Kaka has gone mad!

End of 2011

2011-12-22T03:56:00.000-08:00

It's the end of 2011 already.
Cleared another semester. Really look fwd to finishing Year 2.
I think in the education route, life only gets tougher n tougher. But I have faith, it gets more n more enjoyable as u move step by step closer to ur dream.
Last year was my first year receiving an overseas education. I experienced parting with my loved ones and leaving home for a long period for e first time. Staying away from home for 9mths seemed long, but I guess i took it well, and felt really loved nonetheless.
This year, no longer the first time leaving home, but it's e first time i return overseas after a 3month break back at home. And this is a whole new phase I had to go through. Having enjoyed myself so much during my 3months back home, catching up with flens, reaffirming my passion, sorting out my thoughts and recuperating, returning to the UK might seem to be a tough thing to do. And I do still miss that 3mths alot. But honestly, it wasn't as bad as what i had expected. Afterall, there's so many thgs i yearn to pursue in e UK. Back here, I moved into a new house, adapted to an even more independent lifestyle, am learning to live with friends, striving to enjoy year2, and trying to cope with myself. Doesn't matter I'm not gg home over winter & easter break. I only want to go home after completing my Year2. And I know 6more mths wldn't be long :)
This year, I tried to adjust my work life, more specifically study life. Over summer, I reflected and realised how reluctant I was to give up my personal life for my studies. I was really not used to it. I rmb how CL, huangcheng and SRP took up a significant portion of my Sec or JC life, and I enjoyed the times I spent hanging out with friends and working hard for sthg i used to call passion. But all of that have disappeared from my life now. A purely academic sch life, how wld I ever be able to adapt to it?
So, determined to revert this, I pushed myself to join an active society- AIESEC. It's hard to describe what AIESEC is about, but briefly what attracted me were e opportunities to attend conferences where a group of like-minded young adults come together to think about world issues, and to share whatever they can offer. But I soon realised, I was naive to think that I could give away some of my work time. It just couldn't work it out. I tried, and I am really glad I tried, maybe not hard enough, but it was sufficient to make me realise, my priorities have changed.
My housemates (who i only knew in uni) think that I live in my own world, mentally and physically, and i don't deny that. But I know it used to be only mental. Since when did I walk so deep into my own world that I start to lose whatever connections I used to treasure in the real world. I cannot recall any particular incident or anyone that caused this change in me, so i'm thinking, maybe it's part of growing up, where at certain points in life, u find thgs that u want to pursue, and they slowly fall into place in ur priorities list.
At this point in time, it seems that there's so much I want to get out of my 'work life' that I have subconsciously put everythg else aside. Nthg relatively tangible, not results, not completion of degree, not designing the most attractive building, and not engineering the most environmentally-friendly building. I just want to focus on observing, feeling, experiencing, learning and communicating- the most powerful skills archi has equipped me with. And to me, they are absolutely essential in order to appreciate what's going on in the world.

Really miss those ignorant and cheerful Sec sch n JC days. Perhaps what has nv changed, is my willingness to let myself be drowned in the one thing i choose to love.

It's going to be 2012 soon! Interesting how every year i endeavour to leave some memories behind before welcoming the new year, Yet again and again, after so many years, i see myself still stuck in the same bubble, not knowing what to do.

ok, Happy 2012 to all! :D Hope 2012 will be as fruitful :D

Wished i have the power.

2011-08-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

Wished i could help.

I guess i haven't really understood the worry of a parent till this time when Sis wanted to go for her exchange programme.

For even though i know the semester out there would change her life (i really think it would), i still hold reservations to it. I long to see her pursue her interest at all cost, to shape her passion in sthg tt will give her a direction and last her a lifetime. But I cannot be blinded by the risks involved in taking this bold step.

I think for a few moments, i could feel the worry and insecurity in a parent's heart.

But the cruel fact is: Battle failed.Cannot help but feel frustrated. I don't know why it seems so easy for everyone else to go for an overseas education or exchange programme, yet in this family of mine, taking on challenges is never favoured.

I know she nv liked to travel, but this time she said she wants to go though she doesn't know why. But I believe she meant it because I remember the surge of excitement when we went to Tate Modern and she saw Miro's exhibition.

Sorry, continue staying in the cage for now. I promise to get you out some day :)

2011-07-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

看来新加坡这9个月的变化不大，弄得我好像是怪物，不见9个月就有‘360度的改变’。
‘改变’这东西总是这么具有争议性。算了吧，有时少份辩解能让你明白什么是‘了解’。

回家两个星期了，依旧很想念英国。不见大草原不舒服，得定时吃饭喝水不自在。想出外跑步，又像在火炉里打滚，而且还没风景。

back in singapore!

2011-07-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Singapore!
It's July 2011, i'm done w Year 1 :D
Ended the year beautifully w a trip to London n Paris with my Aunt and Sis.
It's e first time my sis is traveling without my parents, and of course the first time we r given e freedom to hv fun in a faraway land. Nv expected such a chance. And was definitely elated that my dream of gg to Disneyland Paris with her came true :)
Grew to realise traveling has become less n less attractive to me. Sometimes it becomes a hassle to hv to pack my luggage, move it ard, control expenditure, n look for souvenirs. And u end up wondering if e experience went beyond 'wow, i saw sthg new'. Nonetheless, little thgs do happen, out of coincidence, out of bad luck, out of ignorance. whatever it is, these are the things that count n will have a lasting place in my heart.

LIke i will rmb planning the day to pick up my sis at Heathrow so well, that i forgot i needed to eat!
Like i will rmb pulling my sis to take a disney ride without knowing e terror we had to face inside e dark cave, n witnessing her legs trembling just before e train dived from the peak.
Like i will rmb rushing around both disneyparks' souvenir stores an hr before they close to grab all the mickeymouses we wanted, instead of seizing e last chance to take the rides.
Like i will rmb asking the LV boutique salesgirl where e exit was so tt i cld dash out n save the embarrassment of vomiting inside such a posh place.
Like i will rmb depriving my sis of panadol cos i finished up everything.
Like i will rmb queueing 1.5hrs for a piece of 25euros steak less than 24hrs after my hourly vomiting with an empty stomach.
Like i will rmb gg to Tate Modern and the National Gallery w my sis n discussing the quality and mystery of e masterpieces.
Like i will rmb e crazy overdosage of expensive macarons from Lauduree!
And all the screamings n running about in Hyde Park to avoid what she claimed to be 'speeding dogs' and 'mouse'!
And the most epic one was e day she found out she forgot to bring her phone out with her and she was so worried e entire day till we went back to the hotel in e evening. Ransacked the entire room and couldn't find it, only to feel my bag vibrating when she tried calling. Lol apparently i mistook her phone for mine n carried it around e entire day without realising i hv 2phones in my bag. HAHA:D

Many many more memorable instances, which are hardly related to the attractions. Nthg abt Eiffel Tower, nthg abt The Louvre, nthg abt London Eye. Sometimes the simplest things can make you smile :)

Pre-departure

2011-06-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

I'm at London Heathrow Airport now, waiting for the 2 ladies I haven't seen for 9mths!
It's only the third time my sis is taking a plane and the first time without my mum's company.
And the first time she's away from home for so many days!
Really hope she'll enjoy it! No fainting, no fever plsssss...

Yeaaaa finally the dream of gg Paris Disneyland with her is gg to come true!

On a separate note, their arrival also means tt I'm abt to go home. The last time i was at heathrow was 9mths ago. Fast yea? Oh well, shd be mentally prepared le bah. How interesting to experience this 'going home feeling' for the first time. How wld thgs be like back home this summer? HMMMM...

人变了，环境变了。原则不变，理想也不会变。

Post Archi Year1

2011-06-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

Finally finally finally. I finished my Year1!
感触良多,心情复杂。
全新的科目，独特的考试方式，，前所未有的经验。
虽然这也意味着我不再能以勤奋苦读主宰我的成绩，但我已开始接受了这样的无奈。

Neither a 'sprint' nor a 'marathon' is a suitable description of this journey. Perhaps 'a highly competitive marathon'? It's not like I haven taken exams tt last off a mth. It's nt like I haven taken exams tt spans over only a wk, back to back. But this one is really a test of endurance, a test of discipline n a test of passion. Just keep sprinting for e entire marathon journey, n eventually ull reach e end., doesn't matter even if u faint there.

26th May 2011

59 days to home!

2011-04-23T13:05:00.000-07:00

Havent posted a single entry in 2011. Kinda regret not putting in a bit of effort to 'pen' down some reflections, especially the on my trips and my struggling Year 1.
Shall c what comes to my mind while typing this post.

It's Easter Vacation now. The second month-long holidays i've had here. And i really love it. Vacations are never long enough and everyone wld always wish tt it will nv end. Of course, i'm running out of time to do my final projects and definitely wish tt my deadlines wldnt come so soon. But i'm contented with this little 'study break' that I have, and treasure every bit of personal time i have.
Ended the previous semester with a bang as usual, cleared few projects and reviews. Badly needed the vacation to let me catch up with my final proj. During term time, other modules' projects diverted my attention from this most impt final proj and i struggled to produce just the bare minimum to survive my reviews. Didn't have time to continuously step back and relook at my design to reflect on its development. Didn't have time to do enough research too. So this break can't be more impt in helping me revisit my initial design intentions and steer my thoughts in e right direction. I understand what structures and deadlines are there for. But sometimes in designing, or maybe in anything, it's really not good to keep pushing urself forward and squeeze out e tiniest bit of inspiration u cld be left w just to meet the requirements. For me, the break- trip to Italy, was a gd breather.
Only had time for Rome and Venice this time. Forsee myself to get sick of Europe soon though i've only been to v few places. Or maybe i always have a thirst for something significantly different. Undeniably, all countries are unique in their own ways and there's infinite things to observe and experience in each of these little places. But at this stage of my life, i value breadth of knowledge a LITTLE more than its depth. Or perhaps, i have yet to possess the capacity to grasp the 'depth'.
Having said that, i've been enjoying and treasuring each opportunity to travel. The company is definitely one of e contributing factors. Being able to get out of Notts, take a break from work and immerse in a different environment is another. But for me, the biggest takeaway, for both my trip to Barcelona and Italy (not for Paris though) still lies in the architectural experession of that city. The Notre Dam remains at the top of my list, followed closely by Sagrada Familia. A pity none in Rome and Venice made me drop my jaws. Nonetheless, in Italy i witnessed the domination of the Romanesque and Renaissance architecture and for once, appreciated the historical context of those longstanding structures.
It left me thinking about the significance of many of the architectural feats as tourist attractions. People come and go everyday, taking endless photos. And I questioned, how many actually really appreciate these establishments. Or are they mere trademarks of a city that a tourist wldn't want to miss. It's not about commercialization. It's my doubt on the effectiveness of a structure in telling a story that people would be concerned about and are able to relate to.
Facing ppl who wld only describe a place as 'AWESOME', architecture is regrettably powerless. For one day, everything in europe will become 'awesome' and what's going to make the difference?

Oh well, holidays have been treating me well. After the trip, i rested completely for a day and slowly picked up some work. Can't afford to lose my stamina cos I know I have to face an approaching one-month peak in a few days' time. My personal tutor told me it's not pssible for an archi student/architect to manage his time well. I understand his rationale and will not be idealistic. But i'll still try to plan my schedule well to not feel lousy.
Leading a carefree life now because I don't have to wake up early to go to school, or go to the dining hall at stipulated times to grab my meals. Like the flexibility. I wake up only when i feel awake, I eat only when I'm hungry, i work uninterrupted when my inspiration and motivation come. I go for a jog when i need a break, i blast my music when i need some entertainment. I sleep when i feel tired. I don't draw my curtains and seldom look at the time. I hide in my room and bury myself in my work. I possess the personal space to trigger inspiration. Life can't get any better :)
but oh no, this will end 9days later :(

On a separate note, i'm really happy today. My sis finally booked her air tics to visit me this Summer. She's coming over for 15days with my aunt and i'll bring them to Paris, on top of London and maybe Notts. We were on skype and i saw how excited she was when she told me she was printing her tics confirmation slip. She's not a fan of travelling but this time i knew she has been really looking forward to visiting me. I can't imagine the 2 of us traveling tgt without our parents! :D Wheee if we really get to go to Paris Disneyland, then it will be a dream come true! <3

59days to home! It's going to be fast!

Okiex back to work :D Hell lot of work, and i really wish i could have more time to explore new things, like what many others are doing. But it's ok, after 7mths, i've learnt, that more money, time and effort can bring me more engagement and satisfaction. I'm starting to appreciate this privilege to influence an outcome that matters to me. And i wouldn't exchange this honour (or struggling moments?) for anything else.

End of 2010

2010-12-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

3months and 1wk since i left Singapore.
honestly, the feeling is still very 不真实.
Occasionally i'll still stare out of the window and wonder why I'm here.
Seems like half a year has past. But it's just 3mths. Not even half way through my Year 1 and i have more than 5 more years to go.
Definitely counting down to the day i graduate and go back to work.
At the same time, i'm treasuring every moment i have here and deeply appreciating what I have here.
The 3mths here were well spent.
Didn't travel to alot of places. But at least in tt short period of time, i've seen e other sides of UK - Oxford and London. And been to Paris, a place i've never dreamt of leaving my footstep.
With regards to my course, I really have to feel lucky that being in Europe allows me to visit many key architectural feats conveniently. How cool is it to flip through architectural history or modern archi books and tell myself that I've seen those buildings with my own eyes.
It reminds me the reason I'm here.

At the same time, i feel blessed to have made a bunch of great friends.
My fellow perverse law oldies in Rutland Hall. At least after a tired and gloomy day in school, i could happily hurry back for a good laugh over dinner. Nvm the food served isn't that great, the time spent in the dining hall or nuahing in one of our rooms for supper is worthwhile.

And my non-law gang! For always being the 损友s, drag me out for meals or to play. Crash my hall and ruin my study plans. All the stayovers and crazy travel plans. They made my days really crazy and interesting.

But it always set me thinking. What if there weren't any Singaporeans with me? Would I be surviving so happily? Admittedly, I am not meeting all the objectives of choosing an overseas education. Yet again, can the differences in nationality and cultural background be reconciled?
oh well, at least i'm propelled to step out of my comfort zone in school where there's only 1 other Singaporean. And thus far, i've been surviving. So shall be contented with my accomplishment. It's better than being put in an environment flooded by Singaporeans for that will make my experience less fulfilling.

As for my course... The challenge definitely hasnt started. Merely the first big project, and i'm already on my knees. I don't know what's wrong. It is really tough, beyond what I can achieve even when I stretched myself to the maximum. But i'm puzzled. There should be no reason I can't take it for I actually expected worse. I thought I won't be able to sleep for a week but I only stayed up for 3consecutive nights.
I guess it's e sense of helplessness when I really put in all the effort I can afford, yet still can't produce work that I could be proud of.
And struggling alone just makes me feel really weak sometimes.

I wish I could stop grumbling. About how architects have to spend more time to do their coursework, more effort to produce work, more years to complete our course, all for less pay and a lower status. And yet there's ppl who think that designing and constructing models are easier than reading cases and writing essays.
Why is there no equality in the professions? who is to judge which professions have greater contributions?
Yes, everyone would say 'but that's your choice'. Yep, of course I know and I won't forget the exctiement I started with and the drive behind my choice.
Will work harder next sem and try to figure out how to tackle this tricky course.

Studies aside, I'm glad I finally miss home!
Thought I'll miss home the most when I first came but surprisingly it didn't come. It was only till the last week of the sem when everybody was happily packing to go home and yet I was barely leading a life, that I longed for the comfort of my family and home. Too bad, I chose to save up on my air ticket. Money over family. Haha I actually made such a decision or should I call it a mistake.

Stuck in London now, missing family and friends. But fortunately, there's things to enjoy in London and people I want to see!

Interestingly, I'm missing Notts too! London is too city-like for me! I prefer 乡下's life! :D Stronger Western culture, and feel more relaxed. And though it's much colder back there, I would rather step out of my hall and see a wide snowland than traffic and tube stations! Looking fwd to going home :) I miss my room.

Another 6mths! Live life to the fullest and cherish everything! :D Maybe I can start thinking about what to do when I go back to Singapore. I miss office too much but should I be more rational?...

2010 has been a great year for me, embedding a few significant milestones in my life. Thanks family and friends for standing by me!
Hope 2011 would be a better year for everyone! Happy New Year :)

post-departure

2010-10-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

exactly 1month has passed and i thought it's time i pen down some thoughts.
It feels as though i've been here in Nottingham for a few months.
First it was international orientation, followed by freshers week and now it's already the third week of lessons.

Though memories of the emotional departure has faded, i will never forget the day i left home and took a 13hours flight to come all
the way here. i was unexpectedly more excited than fearful, worried or even emotional. But the feeling of uncertainty was strong and the 13hours flight just made it worse.
I expected settling down to be very tough but everything turned out really fine.
From taking the plane alone, to carrying my 2heavy luggages, to moving in the orientation week hostel, to registering and setting up healthcare and bank accounts, to dragging more
things to my permanent hall of residence and to getting around in the huge campus, I did it myself. And i survived.

Enjoy the process of me gaining full control of my life and learning to take care of myself.
And i know that's one main reason i chose this path- I want to lead my life independently.

So, i'm really happy with my life at the moment.

i've passed the stage where i have to make new friends and fit into the environment.
Really glad that there are sufficient Singaporean friends here to make me feel comfortable, especially when there are a handful in the same hall as me.
Made me realise that no matter where you are, things are always easier when there's people of the same roots as you.
Only knew a few Singaporeans before coming here, and mostly only be name or facebook.
Many of us started of as strangers but could just get along well after that.
In contrast, making true friends with non-Singaporeans here is really tough. The general comment that people here are friendly and nice is not wrong.
i did experience it but i guess at the end of the day, developing from acquintances to friends and even to good friends, require us to push our interaction
beyond mere 'hello', 'see you', 'how are you?' For a start, a conversation can easily be started by asking each other their names, nationalities, course of study
and hall of residence. But to sustain the conversation and start another conversation during the next encounter, that requires a common topic, something
beyond mere formality and politeness. And that, i really think is hard.
The distinction between Asians and Europeans( and Americans) is too obvious.
It's a thought provoking situation because language, the main mode of communication, is hardly a barrier between both parties.

I'm not trying to be anti-social, but just stopped making the effort to make more friends.
Don't really see a point in doing superficial stuffs just to make it LOOK as though you fit into the
Of course when there are great opportunities, i still like to expand my social cirlce and the easiest thing i to do is to put on a smile when you meet people.

A pity that there seems to be no genuine interest to learn about each other's culture and habits. i wish everyone could make use of the wide international network
we have here to learn and gain exposure, but i think that generaly, many do not value it.
The lifestyle of the europeans is something i often like to compare.
i really want to know what their parents think of their regular clubbing and drinking.

14th Oct 2010

---------------------------------------------------------

Another wk has past, and this time I've visited London!
Was attracted to the various types of architecture present in that little city.
And of course, the convenience of getting to a shopping district (for instance Oxford street) make it better.
But i'm glad tt after seeing london, i still like my campus (not the town though). Being away from the city allows a big campus to sit among trees and fields.
We might feel 'enclosed', but tt also allow us to experience pure campus life, which to me, is e most important aspect of university life overseas.
Still, i think the archi students in London are lucky. there's so many nice buildings to admire, and provides a range of architectural styles.
Walking along the streets during studio time in london will definitely be more enjoyable than in Notts.
Only 2 trips to town during studio and i'm already feeling bored about it.

Pre-pre departure

2010-09-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Didn't expect to MIA from my blog for so long. I actually have alot of things to record!

Holidays are finally ending.
Remember there were lots of thgs i told myself i'll do after A's last year.
And true enough, Dec 09 to Sept 10 did prove itself to be a very fruitful period of time, n a very significant phase in my life.

First it was OCIP Vietnam, then it was my wisdom tooth! ( haha ok tt shd not b impt).
Finding a temp job in URA was e best thing i did because there was where my journey began.
Moving on to DP for a couple of mths n then returning to URA for another internship served me well too.

In DP, I was initially bit uncomfortable to be placed in the department handling middle-east projects for those architectural works were not close to my heart.
but it proved to be a very worthy experience cos it's probably the only chance i can be involved in projects in middle east!
Having to pick up the technical skills within such a short period of time was a great challenge to me, but at least, i learnt sthg.
Will definitely rmb the satisfaction derived from working on floor plans to make things within a building work. Enjoyed the rigour of work there, all the frequent OTs, and staying in office till 3am
before deadlines. Those days gave me a very vivid picture of the life of an architect, n i really enjoyed it.
However, i do see the 'pain' behind it. Having to meet extremely strict external deadlines, satisfy the ever-changing demands of clients and uphold the professional image of the company.
The ultimate aim is to finish your project (up to a year), so that clients will pay up and be satisfied with your service so that they will approach the firm again.
Realistic, but it's normal and not hard to accept.

Back in URA, the Urban Design section, I was given access to alot of information to complete my work. The satisfaction comes from the authority we are given in shaping the architectural landscape of Singapore. U know how much ur proposals and decisions affect the development of certain areas. And when u r assigned certain planning areas, tt place really becomes ur baby and u spend mths or even years looking at it's development. Even though u don't get to design the buildings that will appear on the streets, u cn directly control what to be built. When we talk about architecture, we are looking at more than jus buildings. A big part of it is the environment! buildings don't stand alone. n tt's where we need architects frm the planning authority!

The past 9mths, a really long period of time, could not have been better spent.
Ultimately, i'm glad that at the end of my long holidays, i can still proudly say i still want to be an architect,
and now to be more specific, an architect in URA!
It's definitely too early to say, but i can't help but feel very comforted that my decision hasn't swayed in the past mths.
I rmb having a hard time deciding btw serving the private and public sector and wanted to convince myself base on personal experience.
Lucky for me, i managed to experience what i've always dreamt of and that assured me of my decision.

The journey ahead is filled w anticipation.

But right now, let me slowly digest the fact that what's so real now might not b within my reach the next 6yrs or even the rest of my life...

Post URA reflections

2010-05-15T23:28:00.000-07:00

My first job - a temp staff in URA-DCG from 5th Jan 2010 to 14th May 2010 :D
a short 4mths, but it means so much to me.
i won't forget how boring my job is, yet how fun it is at work.
From the New Year Party to DC's CNY celebration, to cheering for DC for every Freesbies match, to URA's annual corporate plan seminar to DC's corporate plan seminar.Every event has added colours to my life there. Not forgetting my weekly gym workout and badminton game w colleagues!

Play and fun aside, i think i did learn bit of things too.
Being in the Change of Use section, i witnessed how e govt painstakingly controls e development of existing land, even specific units to meet economic and social needs. It's a rare experience cos given a choice when i graduate, i undoubtedly wldn't want to engage in such work since it's nt relevant to my course. This added to my understanding of URA's role in maintaining a quality environment in Singapore.

Besides, I also realised e importance of having your own family! Of course it's not a must to set up your own family, but it would be a bonus if you can have your other half to support you when you are drowned by your work. My social circle has expanded these few mths. My flens now are slightly older adults who have kids older than me, or ard my age. i envy them for being able to take care of their children while holding a job. When will my turn come? hahaaaa

my idols! <3

Moving on to DP architects in e nxt 2mths. looking fwd to it.
But for now, let me get take some effort to pull myself away from my beloved URA. TRY HARDER KAKA!!!! ;D

after signing

2010-05-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

On thurs afternoon, my present comrade jiajian, who was just sitting beside me in office smsed me " Congratulations, you are a 2 wks scholar! :D " How sweet of him. But he also reminded me abt how time has passed so fast till i can't rmb wat exactly happened a mth n a wk ago. Recall!
on 25th March, i realised app on brightsparks is CLOSED n i haven submitted.(really not my fault loh) EMO-ed the whole night.
On 26th March morning, i rushed to HR to request for scholarship app submission. In e afternoon, i managed to submit.
30th March: i was shortlisted for an essay test. i chose the question : What will you do for URA if you are an URA architect?
6th April: i went for my first interview, conducted by executive HR officer n DD of AUDE. it was damn short.
10th April: i went for pyschometric test. tt's in addition to e PSC one i did last yr. i didn't bring my IC cos i assumed EZ link card was e same. so my mum had to bring it down for me. Felt like a zi4 bi4 kid after e test cos e questions clearly reflected tt i m an honest loner and introvert.
22nd April, 11AM: i went for my final interview. i told my comrade, that interview was gg to b a life-changing one. it will determine where i will be for e rest of my life, local or overseas, public or private sector?
22nd April, abt 2.30pm: i received a call to inform me tt i made it. Must complete my 6years course in University of Nottingham and not Bath.
I din scream, but i was really happy.
But at night, when i had to go home and face my mum, i slipped into emo-ness.
23rd, 24th, 25th, 26th was spent in EXTREME emo-ness n i name tt the worst days of my life so far, esp 24th.
i had only 2choices since i know working as an architect in URA is my ultimate goal.
1) Convert my overseas award to a local one, study in NUS, and apply to do my masters overseas ( SUBJECTED TO GOOD GRADES)
2) Take e overseas award, and say bye bye to Singapore, family and friends for 6yrs!

Call me a lousy, indecisive, heartless girl. It took me 4days to decide on the latter.
But there again, it was a big decision to be made. 1 that wld change my life.
so on 27th Apri morning, i signed and submitted. tt's it :)

Standing at where i am now, i cannot seem to feel e pain i experienced in tt 4days, but i cn still clearly rmb my dilemma, my concerns and my emo-ness.
And tt's how fast emotions and feelings fade.
my comrade reminded me of how fast all these have came along. right from the start when i went to work flustered abt my app til today, i hv signed my contract.

As much as this process has been a tough and painful one, i will treasure e experience and rmb it for life.
I won't look back anymore, cos i know it's time to look ahead, and focus on my preparation.
From the moment i signed, i knew i can't deny a few thgs(*it only applies to me).
I am an ambitious and heartless girl who has lost e right to say that i put my family as my top priority and will nv do anythg to upset them.
I lost the right to say i dote on my sis the most and will do all i can to make her a happy girl. And for that, i will carry the guilt in me for e rest of my life.
I know my friends will disagree w this, but i really think no one can understand my position.

i thank all for the advice and encouragement you have given me and promise to work hard to prove that my decision is not a wrong one.
Even if i regret it in the coming years, i only have myself to blame.
Right now, i'm really fine.

种过花吗？我没有，但我种过植物，那种即使每天都浇水施肥，也不会开花的植物。可我似乎没有能力继续栽种下去了。。。

Uni decision

2010-04-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Think it's cruel to have to make such big decisions, though i know i'm not young anymore. But for a decision that will change my life, entails HIGH risk and has no turning back, what should i do...
Mum asked me if my future is more impt than my family. i nodded, and i know how much tt nod broke her heart.
But i also know, deep in my heart, tt's definitely not what i think.
Never felt so upset before. Yet they don't realise behind my seemingly determined decision, there's a v intense sorrow, a v strong sense of guilt, and streams of never-ending tears.
i'm sure in future there will be times i'll regret e decision i'm making. i'll try not to.

i'm heartless. i'm abitious. i'm selfish.

妈妈说，妈妈只有一个，爸爸只有一个，姐姐也只有一个。
我当然知道，可我也只活这么一次。

2010-04-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

What will i be doing 1 year from now?
Really want to know what my future entails.

post As

2010-03-15T00:37:00.000-07:00

ahaaa it has been very long since i last blogged. wanted to post a short entry the last 2wkends, but just didn't have the time.
Wheee, results finally released! i am honestly VERY HAPPY with my grades :D
i know it's not very good actually, but i really can't expect or ask for more!
At least my hard work paid off :DDD i love ms claire :DDD
miracles do happen. " 人间有奇迹！"
Think the happiest of all is our class did really really well. This time i dare say i'm really proud to be from SMTP, particurly from the used-to-be-worst SMTP class. Not tt we r proud to outdo e other 2SMTP classes, bt ppl who hv been w us will know tt our morale is always low cos we always proclaim to be a fake SMTP class which is not worthy of e name. But this time we proved otherwise and did our teachers proud. Cheers 08S6H! n thanks so much to all those kind souls in class who have been rendering endless help to the poor souls like me. We excel as a class! :D

okiex, it's almost mid march le. my contract with URA is ending and i'm still thinkg if i shd extend. Really like the place and some ppl there but i dun think my dream of it being my first and last workplace will come to reality.
oh my comrade and my another colleague, cynthia has abandoned me. so i'm left alone to work now, though comrade's flen coming tmr. So i'll hv a new flen.
in the short 2mths working tgt, i think i've learnt from them.
my comrade is extremely slack, bt cn c he treats his work seriously. n he quite nice lah, i suan him he still can laugh and pretend i joking.
n Cynthia is my oldest flen! as in not tt she old, she's just 33years old, but i haven had any flen tt has a child liao! so fun to listen to her talk abt her cute daughter everyday. she's also my entertainer. so yea, i made another gd flen, from different age group de some more :D
THANKS to my first 2 colleagues!

Haha my future seems BIT clearer now. Really look forward to the day i graduate an enter workforce. i believe tt's when life has progressed to another crucial phase.
For me, there's a new goal and new purpose in life now. i want to grow up faster so tt i cn try to reach my goal.
Till school starts agn, let me enjoy life to the fullest.
i finally saw Cayden agn yest, he's so cute!!! :DDD

kaka dislikes fieldcamps!

Pre- As results release syndrome

2010-02-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

March has arrived.
3rd mth working le.
Despite missing school ALOT, i begin to like working life. Still wondering if i shd extend my contract. My supervisors are too nice for me to think of leaving.
And now, there's fangyi! so got company, not bad.

i know i'm not going to survive this week well, but i also know this is yet another setback that i have to go through.
Sometimes it just take a bit of courage to accept facts that you dun wish for it to be true.
I won't pray hard for it to be good, i'll just be contented if it's not too bad.

赢过，也得输得起。
I promise not to blame myself.

2010-02-11T05:14:00.000-08:00

Hmm, so fast, i've worked in URA for more than a mth le.
Though haven gotten my pay and not much anyway, think it has been a rather fulfillg mth.At least i wont have to stay at home and zoo everyday or keep going out to spend money.
i'm beginng to like working life though i miss school and my job is really boring.

It's going to be CNY soon.
Happy CNY! :D

Times passes so slowly. 日子怎么比想象中难过。。。

enlistment

2010-02-04T02:04:00.000-08:00

today sent basket in, finally got to c what Tekong is like :D
e place so much better than i expected.the bunk looks extremely decent. but can see training is gg to be quite tough.
v weird to c the boys all suddenly have added responsibility to protect our country!
lesson learnt today : next time if have kids hope dun have sons. cos really damn sad to send ur son into NS to go through all the physical n pyschological challenge even though u know they will learn.
Managed to send kwanki and wenbo off too! n saw guzheng, xiaoyao, boyang, mingyang and yile.
oh well. whose turn izzit tmr ? :( BYE...

i'm gg to starve for 1wk! off to extract my last 2 wisdom tooth tmr. no more wisdom :(

On a separate note. in 2 hours time ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISHIAN! :DDD

人为爱而活.

rejection

2010-01-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

oh oh din blog over e wkend cos was away for huangcheng chalet.
the highlight was of course the night cycling AGAIN!
luckily a yr later, we took the right path and din get lost!
managed to gt back at 7AM instead of 9AM last year. haha fun! though it was damn tiring.
Had GOR gathering after chalet, so i din get to replenish my sleep.
but it was definitely worth sacrificg my slp to c my dear flens who i've not seen for a long long time.
So happy to see the pioneer batch of GOR again :D totally can rmb e times we had tgt years ago.
i wonder how much more i can contribute to GOR. seems like it's ever gg to b so little :(
It's tuesday already, i'm nt even half way through my week. Went to work yest like a dead corpse and din hv e energy to smile to anyone. Orchard central gave me a big headache cos it has so many units! n 12levels. RAH!
oh and in case ppl are still wondering what happened to my cambridge app and i din manage to tell u abt it over e past few wks/ din dare to ask, obviously i got rejected lah. at least i was pooled :D
but i'm really consoled and quite please to receive the sincere rejection letter.
Think e admission tutor was really nice to send a personalised one rather than mass send rejection letter. they tried so hard to affirm me tt i'm not a failure and it was totally not my fault tt they cldn't accept me, bt rather the nature of e course. i find it funny though tt they say they are sure i'll get into a first class uni. dun they realise there's no first class uni for Archi besides Cambridge? think second class also dun have besides maybe UCL? most importantly, i din even apply for any other first class or second class uni.
i so suspect they din take in any overseas student.
but oh well, i must say e whole experience, though not very enjoyable, was a very meaningful and enlightening one :D it made me more sure tt this is e course i want. so i won't regret spending so much money n time n effort trying for it.the face-to-face interview, the written test, the drawing test and the overseas phone interview. n of course i won't regret choosg to apply for the most difficult to get in course.
but right now, i regret not applyg for UCL :(
And damn, y r e top Architecture schs so difficult to get it, yet not outstanding overall? Dun tell me the ranking doesn't matter. it does, even if it's e slightest bit.
To those outstandg students who unfortunately din gt e offer, dun doubt ur ability. We all know who r e really capable ones.
It takes as much luck as aptitude to gt in.

The clock is ticking away. Time is running out.

2010-01-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

Attended President's Design Award Forum today.
Henderson Wave is one of the Design of the year 2009!
i think everytime i attend such Archi events, i wonder if i'm at e right place.
Ppl ard me are all architects working in Stat boards,and more commonly the major private firms. n i'm nt even an archi student.
Dunno y all adults i talk to recently warn me against taking Architecture.
but too bad, i've made up my mind long ago and have no choice but to believe tt's e only path i shd take.
So NUS Archi it shall be! i hope.pls dun screw up :D

i'll take 2mths to think abt what i shd do next.

Think i've been feeling really young recently. Be it at work or at ocassions like e PDA forum. There's too much more stuff to experience in the adulthood. Finally realise, e past yrs of education is only put me at the starting point of my journey. long way to go. look ahead. put down the past.
Then i went back RV today and feel really old there. Hearing the band play their instruments, seeing random ppl march on the track, the crowded canteen and students running about. i think i really miss school life. i miss being a kid.
But on the third week of work, i think working life might not be tougher than school life. School life is definitely more interesting though.
What's wrong with not liking to talk?

The next 6-7mths is gg to be a tough one i guess?
Hopefully when i gt back to campus life eventually, everythg will be smooth.

2010-01-16T07:39:00.001-08:00

2nd week of work is over!
i must say i'm really gettg used to the environment. :D
my job is as usual tedious n bit boring, bt it's gettg tougher n more challenging.
The weird thg is i'm gettg happier day by day there!
Maybe it's cos of a new temp staff, who's a 33yr old mum! Think she's v friendly and often chats w me. Bt sometimes she talk to me abt her past workg experience n daughter, i seem to feel e age gap! it's ok though, at least i find it v interestg to make such new flen.
Haven made any other flens there. only can recognise colleagues' faces n smile to them when i c them in e toilet. bt at least i can recognise familiar faces now, so i think it's part of gettg used to e environment.
Alot of ppl asked me whether i'm that quiet too in school. i dun think so. i think i can be crazy in school, bt i wont b crazy there. Just naturally dun like to socialise and talk unnecessarily. I just want to do my work well. Hopefully in time to come i can really make flens w ppl there!
i think they are nice! i like my female supervisor alot though i hardly c her! cos occasionally when i c her, she's always smilng! nt tt i think busy ppl always look gloomy, bt i tend to hv e impression tt busy ppl pressed by deadlines n heavy worklaod wil b too stressed up to smile. She always maintains a high level of politeness when conversg w colleagues in her department.she's really busy, running abt for meetings frequently. It's exactly that kind of working life tt i find very interesting! maybe cos i'm nt in her shoes, i wont feel e pressure or tiredness. bt i think work shd b as challengg n eventful as tt! in comparison to my fellow colleagues who hv to sit at their desks to process applications everyday, i think i wld much prefer to strain myself a little.
My male supervisor is nice too! he's v fatherly. can see that he must b a v good father. He has worked in URA for 20yrs, so he can really share lots of experience w me. n i get to learn quite abit from him.
My supervisors are just nice n capable ppl who show no signs of a 'boss' .Can really see e amicable workg relationship btw staffs in my department, though i think it's a pity they do their work individually most of e time. i wld prefer projects tt require a team effort, where everyone plays a different n crucial role. haha bt such scenarios are only more feasible n common in schools.
Sadly, both supervisors are busy ppl, even busier than my busy colleagues. So i hardly gt to talk to them. i think they manage the team well cos despite all they cn maintain their composure and smiley faces.
i wonder how e nxt 2mths plus will be like. Hope tt at e end of 3mths, i dun feel too attached to e place tt i feel sad leavg.
Bt till then, i'll continue to countdown to lunchtime n knock off time everyday! :D

first week of work at URA

2010-01-10T05:45:00.000-08:00

My weekend is over :( back to work tmr again.
Anw jus here to share abt my temp job at URA!
it isn't suppose to be those boring admin jobs, bt it's nt much different.
i'm in the Development Control department, under the Change of Use division. And my section is only in charge of the West part of Singapore. SO basically, my department needs to process all applications of change on use of land and give approval when applicable. For instance, like the shop was originally a restaurant, but now the owner wants to turn it to a club, then they need to seek permission since what they do will affect other parties. Normally the application needs abt 7days to process, bt now ppl can use the online system to enquire to see if their request is permissable. And my job is to build up the database of the online system so that ppl can get instant replies to their enquiries! So i must go dig out all e past documents and floor plans of shopping centres from the 'library' and update the system on the approved land use. Sadly these documents are too old, so to save space, they were filmed in mircofiche and stored. So in order to get access to these info i must use e old microfiche machine to read the fiches and print them out.

Got 25 shopping centres to finish leh, bt only did 8 in the first week. Think will need a month to finish printing all the blueprints and another month to collate the current use of land and another month to finalise the approved use of land.
Guess they will have to extend my contract if i can't finish the job, bt i dun think i want stay there for too long, cos i wld want to try other stuffs.
Ok, so first week of work wasn't too bad. I must admit my work at this stage is very boring cos i must sit in front of the machine for the whole day. i dun even c other staffs sit in front of the machine for more than 1hr a day loh. Makes things worse when the documents we printed are not very clear cos microfilm is an old technology. But i think the microfiche machine is quite interesing to me! maybe i suagu never hear or c before, bt i'm surprised tt there are still ppl using this kind of outdated stuffs nw! think we'll still need some time before the mircofilm thg can be phased out and we can depend entirely on the internet.
As for the people, i think they are generally quite nice. But i know very little ppl, cos everyone is busy rushing their work. So i'm stucked w another temp staff who jus finished his NS. He doesn't talk much, nt v hardworking, only likes to use his iphone. So there's no one to entertain me. There's this aunty who's quite nice though, take care of me like a mummy. n my supervisor looks quite cheerful, so i like to see her! bt hardly gt to c her cos she's too busy, always disappear for meetings.
oh well, even though work is really boring, stepping into URA everyday really makes me happy. Can see the city gallery at the groundfloor and at least i'm printing blueprints, not random documents :D
I'm gg to have Monday blues from today onwards. Shall endure my boring days and look fwd to 6pm everyday!
since staying at home to rot or going out to spend money aren't better alternatives, i shall b contented w my state of life now!
Is studying really better than working? i'm starting to think it's true. School life suddenly seem so interesting to me now since there's so many activities gg on everyday and there are flens n teachers around.
Now i know hw fortunate i was. Even though last time i cldn't slp at my own will, i can't now too. Worse, i might just get sacked/scolded if i'm caught sleeping. So far, i've been a rather good girl. FEEL like dozing off sometimes, but i didn't!

KAKA will survive! :DDD

18 years old

2009-12-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

Supposed to continue my previous post, but i think there are some things i no longer feel like saying.
I'm finally 18 :D Grown up? i hope so.
Wanted to reflect on my yr as a 17yr old kid yesterday but was distracted by other stuffs.
So today, as a 18year old kid, i dare say e yr back has been really fulfilling.
Started the yr mad-rushing my SRP report, thn it was ISYF, then it was full force huangcheng, followed by SYF, elections and finally back to mugging. Mugged all the way till end of A's, n then it was OCIP vietnam.
Eventful, tiring and enriching.
Huangcheng made mi learn alot. It's where i spent e bulk of my HC life in and definitely the place i made many gd flens. It's probably where i spent my happiest and most painful days, where i learnt the most cruel and most comforting lessons. i guess my feelings for huangcheng has changed so drastically from 6yrs ago. From being an audience, envious of the crew, to a member, feeling proud to be one of them, to organizg com, taking on some responsibilities. From having an angelic impression of Huangcheng, to feeling the passion from within, to seeing the reality and learning to accept her flaws. The realisation that huangcheng is nt as ideal as i thought hit me really hard this year. but i firmly believe it's still the best place to be in. Feel really fortunate to be part of this family. Perhaps it's just tt i had too high expectations or was too idealistic.

N it's e year i got to know my class better. though i still think i dont belong to SMTP, i'm glad i ended in such a class where nthg can be really complicated. Some say tt's cos everyone is just busy mugging and concerned abt academics. i agree to some extent but i must say 08s6h is really a nice class and e only class i want to be in. We are not a bonded class at all, bt it doesn't matter cos there are ppl who really care and are ever willing to help one another. n for being a naughty n noisy class, i think we proved the stereotype of SMTP classes wrong. We did many silly thgs tgt, panic over silly thgs tgt and laughed over silly thgs. Even competg MSG, guessg who topped e level and scammg smart ppl for ice cream treats can be really enjoyable and fun. At e end of e day, i think we all grew used to it tgt.

As i grow up, realise i need to think even harder, n make even more major decisions. i'm nv a decisive person. i like to procrastinate. Maybe it's cos i dunno myself well enough or like followg my heart too much. But i feel really lucky tt while some r troubled n feeling lost, i know what i want in life.

The question of where i'll b studyg in future keeps poppg up recently. n i really dunno the answer. i wish i had studied harder in JC so that i have the freedom to choose the path i want. I have my reasons for wantg to leave S'p bt unfortunately those are also the reasons y i shd stay. Nthg/No one here worth staying for? i only know the decision doesn't lie in me because i have no right to choose. But i believe i'll be really happy wherever i study, as long as it's Architecture.

And finally, thanks to all who celebrated my 18th birthday w me :D And to all my friends who have added colours to the life of the 17year old kaka, THANK YOU! :DDD

原来我还是放不下。
为什么回忆还是这么深刻？
对不起，是我错了。

人来人往的地铁站，
看着地板发呆了半个小时。
我的心真的就这么空虚吗？
第几个100天才会没有感觉？

post OCIP vietnam

2009-12-21T08:56:00.000-08:00

Went on OCIP Vietnam from 10th to 19th.
2days after i'm back, i think i have thought enough to 'pen' down some reflections.
Clearly rmb that when i first came to HC, i was an anti-OCIP student cos i find it extremely illogical to pay so much money for an air ticket to help ppl when e money cld hv been spent on the needy in Singapore.
So i thought, till someday i really find e motivation to go on OCIP, i'll nt try applying for any.
Then in J2, i realised tt it's probably quite affordable since it is highly subsidized n i really wanted to go on school trips for different purpose.
First was adventure trip, thn was educational trip, so this time it shall b service learning!
Feel really lucky tt e Cambodia trip in June was cancelled eventually, cos at tt pt of time, knowing that i had so much work to catch up after stepping down, i knew i wldn't enjoy the trip. Most importantly, i was a only J2.
But this time it's different! It's an entirely J2 team! n since it's after A's , there's really nthg to b worried abt. We have so much time, so much energy to spend!
Many went on the trip w/o any expectations so that they cn hv a surprise n enjoy the trip totally.
i din particularly want to get anything out of it. Just wanted to enjoy myself and see new things.True enough, i did.
With 6days of service at the pri sch n 2days of R&R, OCIP Vietnam was a great experience i'll nv forget.
Despite being stunned by the toughness of the work on the first day, we all got used to it very fast.Probably due to peer pressure and 'face', seems like no one really complained abt the hardship we had to go through. Perhaps a J2 team is really more mature and resilient. Glad i didn't see pampered weaklings. Could c tt all of us were really ready and willing to step out of our comfort zone to complete the task. Possibly nt everyone put in their best, bt the effort cannot be denied.
Sad to say, i really din think the team was v bonded. We could all work well tgt, bt given the choice, we'll all slip back to our comfort zone.

Well, i think even without going to Vietnam itself, we know some ppl are really poor. Their standard of living is low, their houses are simple and even shabby. They might not have the chance to receive proper education.
The difference now is that, i witnessed this situation myself and that's the most important reason why i was there.
As i sit at the courtyard of the pri sch everyday watching the kids play/ playing with the kids, i feel really disturbed by the fact that they cannot receive a proper education. Initially i thought, perhaps they really do nt need to think too much at this young age. They can just live their lives playing everyday. But i realise that there's really no proper system in place to ensure that they gain sthg significant out of their 'formal' education. To me, their future looks bleak, because they might not have a goal in life, or they might not know that they have to have a stronger purpose in life. Hmm, mayb if ppl like Tian yu hasn't found her purpose in life too, it might be bit too much to ask of 8-10yr old kids.
i believe they can learn, n they are willing to learn. Though the basic english we taught them might not leave a lasting impression on the kids, it is important to know that at least they were once exposed to an english education.
It might be their first step in grasping this powerful language.
Compare that pri school to HC, the contrast is really too wide to state. These kids deserve proper education like me, bt they dun. :( Will they be able to learn enough from their pri school n continue their education path to eventually end up as a Uni graduate like our fellow Vietnamese translators?
i really dunno, bt i really hope they will and i believe they can, if they want to.
Have we made an impact in their lives by being there with them for 6days?
i think we definitely did. Our contribution might not be as great as we want it to be, but we know, we hv provided emotional n literally structural support by spending 6days there.

(to be continued)
i really miss my flens :(

post A's emo

2009-12-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

Jus a few days ago, i was diligently clearing the pile of mess in my room.
It was only then that i really felt how much work i have done these 2years.
For every assignment or exam paper that i attempted to throw, i pondered for a few instances. Really can't bear to dump the work i've spent effort to do. i saw that to prepare for the major exam -- Alevels, i used alot of paper n pen ink. Most importantly, i spent a lot of time.
In the end, there is still this big stack of work that i really cldn't bear to throw away though they are of no use anymore.
One fine day when i finally feel like letting go of those once-very-precious-work, i will discard it.

Realise that after exams, despite really really enjoying the 'mugless' life, you know ur life is short of sthg.
i think it's e emptiness w/o school days, nt getting to see ur classmates:(
Dunno how my daily routine nw has become so screwed. Farm/zoo/watch dramas till 4+ and slp till 2+ the next day. Trapping myself in the virtual world is in no way the route of escape.
Hmm, let the Vietnam trip be a real break for me.
Hopefully, when i come back, i have sorted out my thoughts or put everything behind and move on.
i think i need some determination. Start to follow my brain instead of my heart?

Perhaps, even after 2years of JC life, i have not grown to know myself alot better.
i still dunno why.
But only i can have the answer.

2009-12-03T02:22:00.000-08:00

Despite A's being over, i haven't found my motivation to blog. Maybe there's really nthg much to say.
But i guess v soon i gt to type my year end conluding post.
I'm totally in the virtual world nw, so ppl who can't find me in the real world,
pls look for me in e virtual world instead.
Hardcore farmer n zoo-er for the time being.

i found him!

2009-11-06T09:21:00.000-08:00

WHEEE! i found him! :DDD

Pre- As

2009-11-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

For this last lap, i will endure.
Believe u can even if u know u can't.

Post-grad

2009-10-24T05:03:00.000-07:00

Finally got bit of time today to blog.
Haven't gotten all my photos yet though.
Well, needless to say, i've graduated.
It's a very different feeling from 2yrs ago, n this time i really dunno how to describe.
Nv had i regret coming to HCI.
n even though i used to resent being in a SMTP class, i've grown to realise there's no other place i'll prefer.
Of course not forgetting HuangCheng, without it i wld not hv such a memorable n interesting JC life.
Ok when i get all my pics i shall post some here. Got to take photos w everybody i cld! except 1. or maybe 2 :( nvm i'll try harder during prom.
THANKS to all those who helped me take photos n tagged on facebook.
KAKA loves Hwa Chong.
KAKA loves HuangCheng.
Half a ZhiWei!

My ticketing Com!

KAKA loves 08S6H.

Life w/o Junhui= helpless + boring

Awww...e loving couple!

Hmm what were they trying to do to me?

KAKA loves ReachCambridge ppl.

KAKA loves her tablemates except her direct tablemate! (Guess which one! >.<)

KAKA loves her teachers esp. Mrs Chua n Ms Claire!

I love Ms Claire!!!
KAKA loves SMTP.
KAKA loves her ISYF flens.

KAKA loves her GOR flens.

KAKA loves her ex-classmates.

Cutest boy! :DDDD

Smartest guy! :DD

Finest man! :DDD

Aunty Chin!

On a separate note, i think the Architecture related stuffs i've been doing these days are v inspiring n interesting, esp e wkshop conducted these 2days. I can't believe i listened to a group of Architects n Engineers talk for 7hrs yest. w/o falling asleep.
Or m i just crazy n like doing anything but studyg.

Pre-graduation blues

2009-10-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today left school late cos had to do some stuffs.
So i managed to catch a glimpse of the Ares n Athena ppl having their grad day.V long nv leave sch so late le. Got e HuangCheng days feeling.
i think HC does make e whole Grad Day v grand. Quite cool i think. Some more it's at night, so mood will be different.
E thing is i can't believe i'm graduating tmr :(
Y so sad leh ...
But well, for e sake of getting my Hwa Chong bear(which i hv waited for 2yrs), i shall like graduating.

2009-10-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I had a v eventful day yesterday.
Knowing tt i wldn't study significantly at home yest., i decided to grant myself another day of freeeedom.
i thought my day was quite smooth since i spent a couple of hrs planning it e night before.
Went URA to take a look at e great Master Plans of S'p, and thn to Chinatown for a walk, n finally to Esplanade for some peace.
E weather was damn hot though, so i was perspiring like crazy walking on the streets, looking like a tourist.
But the most impt thg i notice was this.
By afternoon, after having 3gluttinous balls for lunch, i was feeling sleepy(again).
But from Chinatown to Esplanade, i just cldn't find a place to sleep.
Why izzit that there's no place for me to take a nap when i'm tired! i was so desperate for some slp tt i almost sat along e riverside to sleep, bt e weather just didn't allow me to do tt.
Rahhh so i spent abt 5hrs drawg there. Though in e end i decided to starve myself and nt meet JY,DF,KK n Shike for dinner, still manage to meet up w them at Esplanade n had a good chat.Yep these r e ppl who really value their flens and bother to meet up,even if it's just for a dinner or a chat.
i think sitting by the river watching the view of skyline changing as the night approaches is really cool.
Haiz why can't i spend everyday of my life like that.
Ok stop fantasizing, face e reality.
Motto of the month "I love mugging :D I love GP :D I will survive :D"

看不完的世界，画不完的美景，说不完的故事

2009-10-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

kaka is graduating soon.
She will miss her friends...

2009-10-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hmm what does it really mean to say i care?
When u r always there when a friend needs help?
or when a friend knows u r there when he/she needs help?
To be physically present? or only spiritually present?
What does it really mean to say i understand?
When u know y someone is feeling this way?
or when u've been through what tt person has gone through?
or when ur friend's emotions really affect u?

How many ppl do we really care for? How many ppl can we care for? As much as we want to care for everybody, there's unfortunatly a limit, a limit to how much we can care for someone, a limit to how much we can understand someone, a limit to how much effort we can/want to put in for someone.
It takes more than just words. It takes effort, e effort to sacrifice ur time for someone, e effort to feel for someone, e effort to be physically present.

Has 'care' become a too idealistic concept? underestimated?

How many ppl do i really care for?...

Zhiwei at Marina Barrage celebrating MAF n Childrens' Day!

我们不再是小孩了吗？

从头再来不行吗？结局还会是这样吗？
往事不堪回首。

End of Prelims

2009-09-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

Well, since it;s after prelims, of course must leave a short note here to commemorate this nice day.
As usual e end of prelims din feel as gd as i thot it wld b. i think feelings just get over v fast? i was still happily jumping abt at home yest and today, less than half a day after prelims i'm feeling sianzzz already.
i dunno y prelims was so difficult to endure this time round. Mayb cos it's PRELIMS n nt just any random blocks or promos. But i also guess i'm really sick of all e mugg that i really can't sustain such life for long?
Is the long prelims really too hard to endure? or is my mental strength too low.
Despite all e screw ups (pardon me for using this term), i think i learnt frm e whole process. Those silly mistakes i made during prelims, guess i'll nv learn till i see the crosses on my exam scripts.
Actually e whole torturing mth was made better w flens around, like those random conv at e class benches in e boring mornings.
So thks to all my flens ard mi!

Ok i think i deserve at least a 2wks rest ...
N in abt 3wks time, i'll b sad tt everythg is over. End of HwaChong life :(

2009-09-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

When's prelims gg to end?
Mugger is dying of boredom.
VANDALISMs on my notes r cheering me up though, esp. someone's FANTASTIC artwork.
i nd to do more meaningful stuffs.
Sad tt everythg is gg to end soon though.
RAHHHHH... ...
Why didn't i go for MAF?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

kaka is missing these ppl terribly....

Cambridge Anniversary

2009-08-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

Today is ReachCambridge 1st Anniversary! :) Happy Anniversary Jamie, Keat,Basket, HRH, Jiahui n Mrs Chua! :))))))))))))
If i ever go UK again, i'm sure i can visit classmates at Cambridge!
Dr.Basket 2yrs later i go there visit u k!

Momo's Bday , Basket's Bday

2009-08-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

It's Sun again! :( When i wake up tmr morning, it will be a start of another long wk.
Luckily i had fun again this wkend. Happy 18th Birthday MOMO! :)))
Glad u enjoyed yourself though we didn't really do anything interesting for u.
Stay happy k :)

On a more serious note, all those Uni applications are coming to haunt us now! i've spent many yrs deciding on what i
wish to do and since i've already decided, i shd stop thinking about it and just follow my heart yea?
but sometimes it's really easier thought than done. When there's 1 obvious easier route which i dun mind and 1 difficult route which i hv no idea where it will lead me to yet i unfortunately like it. Being caught between Art n Science is tough. Always hard to make choices.Still glad tt i know what course i'm really passionate abt, better than those who's still frantically choosing their preferred subject.

Aspirations might change. Heart might change. Interest might change.Alot of times we are bounded by the reality. Till i get into Uni next yr, i shall keep my choices open.

In 20mins time, it's somebody's bday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BASKET aka pervert aka future DOCTOR!
18yr old le. Time for u to stop being violent. yea? :))))))))

2009-07-22T01:12:00.000-07:00

Seems like i'm abandoning my blog. But nono. not true.
It's just tt my life has been so boring that even basket can succeed in entertaining me.
Have we got nthg better to do than to mug. Luckily Sun manage to go out for some fresh air.
Though ended up shopping, it was still v fun! :))))) still haven't found my bag though.
On a separate note, i finally had the motivation to clear my table after BLKs. My table was so
piled up tt there isn't even space for me to put my alarm clock anymore. Even my chair is stacked up with books.
Managed to throw away 1 big bag of rubbish/useless notes.Hope i didn't throw away e wrong thgs.
When i finish clearing up my table and realise e 2 things i've been tryg to look for still did not appear, i realise
i was sad. i thought it was all e long under my table, probably in btw my notes and files. i searched through e pile of
rubbish agn bt i still cldn't find. Just when i thought some thgs were nt meant to stay w me or rather better to b discarded, i rmbed i kept it somewhere else. And yes i finally found it in a box in my drawer. But i realise i didn't want to open it agn.
Just stunned at how emo i cn gt over sthg i thought no longer holds value to me. i realise i dunno myself enough.i realise...

The past has passed.

Hey, cheer up k! :)

After block test 2

2009-07-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

It has been a really really long time since i last blogged.
Finally i survived another block test. Prelims n A's left to go.
Hope everything will end soon.
I think june holidays wasn't very fruitful. Only went out to play for 1 week and spent e rest of my days mugg, mostly in JE lib.
Only then did i realise how much i've been smoking my way through the first half of this year, and abit of last year.
Much more awaits to b done.
Thanks to :
-Dage & Dasao for helping me book seats in e lib occasionally n entertaing me!
-Dale for muggg w me everyday and patiently waking me up and motivating me!:)
-my sis for enduring all my late nights and perma disappearance from home!
-my mum for tolerating my absence from home!
-those random ppl i've met during mugg in e holi ( eg. ppl outside huisuo, alfred)

Today after my last paper, went to meet my mum at JP for lunch. It was only till then that i realise my mere presence, even though it's just for a short lunch,can make her so happy.haiz. i must have been a failure daughter. but i think i'll have to continue to be one.

N sorry to MOMO for not helping u. :( must pass all ur subjs k?

I SURVIVED BLOCKS :)))!!!!!!

Last day of term2!

2009-05-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

It's school holidays! Whee!
Now that HuangCheng stuffs almost finishing le, i finally understood how other hc-ians cn manage their sch life.原来一身轻的感觉那么爽。 Nevertheless, i'm proud of myself for surviving half a year in J2! Another half a yr n i'll regain my freedom.

<3 29th执委 -Thanks to the 6 of u. Jiayoux 30th 执委, we have faith in u all!

And of course i have faith in ticketing cos we create miracles :)

原来那么痛。

post-syf

2009-05-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

ok, so finally SYF is over!
relieved!
well, even though e process wasn't exactly an enjoyable one, since it's e first time doing it, guess it's ok. We all learn from mistakes ,yea?
If not for e thgs we screw up, how can we warn juniors like what never to do? But seriously, to come up with this kind of standard while still doing well for huangcheng, i think it's an achievement.
大家辛苦了。:)
hmm, mayb we really shd put ourselves in everyone's shoes n try to feel for tt person.

还是一个黄城对吗？

sorry all, don't be too affected by the results in time to come.
we are all out to defend Huangcheng's reputation.对得起自己的良心。
Don't let the award diminish the huangcheng spirit, cos afterall we all know huangcheng spirit is worth more than this.
知道后果不是导督能够轻易承担的，可至少我愿意承担你们的指责。对不起。

2009-05-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

我们的回忆。

pre=syf

2009-05-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Realised that i really can't continue with the previous post.
So i'm abandoning it, leaving things left unsaid, till i get back my feelings.
i'll be relieved in less than 12 hours time. Tt will be the end of my nightmare n some other ppl's nightmares.
Finally, THREE MONTHS of preparation is coming to an end.
Really glad to c tt ppl r still willing to work for syf even after everyone is burned out after huangcheng,eager about defending huangcheng's reputation. Chiong-ing syf in less thn 2 wks is no joke.
Sorry to all the technical crew ppl who had a hard time working w e directors.

These 3 months i learnt that thgs tt were wrong from the start wont become right.
i learnt that we should not easily accept unwanted jobs.
i learnt that in working relationships, friendships can amazingly be diminished/compromised.
i learnt that my 2 yrs huangcheng experience( or rather 6 yrs) cn actually b flawed in 2 wks.
i learnt that communication MUST be a 2-way process n ppl shd b willing to admit mistakes n take up responsibilities.
i learnt that it is important to trust ourselves more than others if not you'll be doubted.
i learnt that even during the worst times, we should be supportive of each other and not critical.
i learnt that if you want the best working dynamics, you have to stop putting the blame on others and be forgiving.
i learnt that appreciation must be shown blatantly all the time if not some ppl will malign you.

But since it's our 1st time doing it, the inherent problems were expected. It's only with such experience that we can give advice to our juniors to not do foolish thgs agn.

Jiayoux everyone tmr! We've worked so hard for quite some time. Time for our efforts to pay off. But is gold award the only way to prove our capability? i really really really think not.
i understand that many HC-ians are out to win and we can't afford to lose cos we hav great expectations to live up to. But gg to a competition with that great a desire to win doesn't help besides being able to answer to the other ppl. I only believe in puttg one's best. n i'm sure e actors will do that tmr. Ultimately, yes we have a goal, but that doesn't mean we can accept no other awards besides that. To me, JUDGE-ing something by an award might not be the most accurate esp. if you understand the purpose and aims of putting up a theatre performance and huangcheng backstage have proven to enjoy the process But there again, everything boils down to reality.
原来就连她也这么现实。
But seriously, thansk everyone. :)

post HC

2009-05-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's surprising how my blog can be missing the post huangcheng post.
Yes, emotions were strong on 25th n 26th April, but when i want to put it into words, i really couldn't find the time.
I got the 1st clue of how an intense PHD will be like last last Thurs when i did not have to go down to VT for Bump In Day1. I clearly rmb how e sch seemed so empty and dead that day. Walking around the sch w/o seeing familiar faces. Not gg straight to B101 after lesson. The only thg that did not change was that i still had to go home when the sky is totally dark. Yep, i was crazy that day. i stayed in sch just to wait for 1 person to come to sch to pay $ for 2 tickets.
The subsequent days were fast and memorable. The journey from sch to VT was really funny, cos i really saw junior's excitement. And that assurd me that they are ready for the VT experience. i thought the 3 days in VT will be quite slack, cos last year really din have much to do. But it turned out to be some unexpected mad rush. Nevertheless, felt really happy that when i was settling all e mundane admin work, juniors were 'secretly' making seniors' presents. <3
i think e other 7 of them had lots n lots of fun camwhoring for the 3days:)
VT experience is often the one that let J1s really think about how much HuangCheng really mean to them.
I'm really proud of my 4 dear juniors because i think eventually, then became a true HuangCheng ren. i don't know how long that passion will last, i know for sure it will fade away really soon. But at least Ticketing was successful this year in nurturing 4 Huangcheng rens.
To my dear juniors, i was really glad to c the enthusiasm in all of u. When u all chose to spend your free time camwhoring n making seniors' present when there's a CHem test coming up and i know u all haven't studied at all, i knew u all have finally understood what seniors have been tryg to tell u all all this while. Finally u all c e value in just spending time with a grp of ppl u really love.Really stunned me when you all started cryg when J2s waved goodbye to u all.
Thanks for givg me a chance to pass on the HuangCheng spirit. n Thanks for puttg in so much effort to make seniors' present.
And to all piaowu J2s who hav worked closely w me for the past mths, thks alot. really relieved that we nv fall apart after huangcheng. To me, it was a miracle, n i feel really lucky.
What made ticketing even more successful was that we actually achieved FULLHOUSE in the morning of our last day of performance. Ppl wont understand the difficulty of selling 2712 tickets and ensuring that everyone has a seat at the correct place. but we do. FULLHOUSE should not be taken for granted, because it is sthg tt we have to fight v hard for to achieve. From the initial 30-50%sales to fullhouse, it's obvious tt we all did our repsective jobs.

(to be continued)

Pre-HuangCheng

2009-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

Few days away from Bump-in. In abt 2 wks time, i'll never have the chance to prepare for huangcheng again. The thought of it saddens me. At least i'll still gt to work w ZhiWei for e last time.
Sigh. Why are humans so critical. What makes them think they can do better than others. Ego. Lack of respect of other ppl's work. Disrespectful.

If ticket sales is used to measure the success of ticketing com, then i think we failed terribly.
But i really don't think it's fair to measure our success like that.

Well. i really dunno what to feel. It's emo period agn.
我舍不得。

<3 PIAOWU <3 ZHIWEI

huangcheng blues

2009-03-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging for damn long, cos obviously very busy n com is always signed in to another gmail, so lazy sign in.
Sigh, i've been getting more and more emo recently. It's really saddening tt after blks, i can't even afford to rest for 1hr. Just grabbed my bag n ran off after Chem paper, n e next moment i had time to sit down n take a deep breath, it was already late at night. Have been reaching home later and later each day this week. But somehow, it really reminds me of the times i had last year as a huangcheng J1, e days where i work in LEP room till 9+ and get chase out of sch, having meetings at the bus stop at 11pm. Maybe we just haven't been working hard enough before Blks to get the feeling. Most of the time, e rest of ticketing goes home at 7+ or 8pm. Rarely made them stay beyond 8pm.
Recently, just really treasure all the time i can have to work with ticketing, cos i'm spending lesser ans lesser time with them. It's really hard to split myself between 2 places and most of the time, i end up rushing my part of the work alone late at night. Does the horrible ticket sales reflect sthg? it's really disheartening. I'm not that worried about this year's ticket sales, at least it's 1 day full house, though Sun shows' poor ticket sales are really saddening. the worry lies in the future. If we worked so hard just to get a 50% overall ticket sales this year, how possible is it to even maintain such low standards in future. We'll never see a fullhouse again? What will happen to huangcheng...
Just 4 weeks away from performance, i know how hard these upcoming weeks will be. Seeing tutorials n lecture notes pile up just 1 day after blk tests ends... i really have no choice but to put them aside till 6 weeks later? or maybe till mid june when i finally can have more time.

SYF is killing me, i must admit. When you realise what lies in your hands is the image and reputation of sthg everyone is fighting hard to preserve and sustain, which will determine its future, you start to fear that things will just die in your hands. It's not about lack of confidence, it's just being wary about not being too over confident. It's the lack of security that even my 4years of drama experience cannot compensate. Drama requires exposure and experience, that's what i've always believed right from the start and i think reality has shown that i am not wrong. If i have gotten nthg less than a gold in all e plays i have been involved in, i seriously know what a gold standard is. And this time i really expect nthg less this time. But it's never about winning, it's about our future. some ppl just don't understand it. what it takes to do drama.it's not as simple as that.

不要担心我。。。我会没事的。

2009-03-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

Lousy blogger is here to leave a short note at my blog so tt it's nt totally dead.
Seems like my busy schedule really doesn't allow me to spend time on blogs.
Since e start of e term, ISYF, then rush SSEF report, then SRP report, then SRP presentation, then SSEF poster n SSEF, all amidst daily HuangCheng work. Then came e most problematic SYF preparations tt i'm still struggling with. n before i know, i've already sat for 2 papers for Block test. Which means block test for me is already 50% screwed. So what comes up next. 100% screwed up block test ? or a screwed up SYF. Haiz.
But, now, e most impt thg is to sell HuangCheng tickets!
黄城夜韵2009！ Must come and watch! :)))))))))))))))) 2482 tickets :'(

面对现实吧！不要尝试改变无法控制的东西。
还有人愿意扛起这个责任吗？

Happy Vday!

2009-02-14T07:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day everyone! :)

HuangCheng advertisement

2009-02-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

Seems like i really won't have time to blog for long.
Just a short one over here to advertise HuangCheng.
黄城夜韵2009
25th April : 7.30pm $12, $14, $16
26th April : 2.30pm, $10, $12, $14 7.30pm, $12, $14, $16
Victoria Theatre

Ticket ordering has actually started, but can only order through any HuangCheng chouwei. HuangCheng members, CT groups, external schools and of course seniors will get separate order forms over the next 3weeks! Anyone not falling under any of the above category can of course look for me to place your orders. Support us cos we promise you a great drama performance!

Happy CNY

2009-01-25T07:38:00.000-08:00

Finally got myself to take some time to blog. my last post was v long ago. i think jus last wk , there were thgs i really wanted to blog abt bt really hv no time. Clearing holi hwk itself was already bad enough, let alone catchg up w e syllabus. SRP and SSEF report deadline n ISYF preparations added to the wkload. Ended up havg late nights n sleepy days. i promised myself to stay awake in more lectures this yr. it was till e 1st day of sch that i finally realised such fate will nv change.i mus say i really tried, bt no one will understand the torture of tryg to keep ur eyes open when u really cant. n i hv no idea how i'm gg to survive e rest of e yr.
it was also e wk of Olevel results release that reminded me of the experience a yr ago. n lookg at e yr i've spent in HC, i noe i've made many ppl lose faith in me, n havent been living up to expectations.
Started off the yr w teacher remindg us that e lowest grades in our class cn probably b higher than e other classes' average grades n e fact tt we r from Hwa Chong makes us e elites, no matter we behave like one or nt. Guess it's really true, cos we'll carry e label w us in e near future.
Then it was ISYF 09- International Science Youth Forum@ Singapore.i started off applyg for it cos i felt tt designing posters/banners n taking photos were within my ability.bt ended off doing newscentre duties.Luckily still managed to be facils, n got to interact w e delegates. Really had lots of fun w my grp, esp on e night of sight seeing, when my grp surprisgly decided to go East Coast Park to cycle.Totally stunned other facils n made them so envious.haha. Cycling double bikes tgt, grabbg our dinner frm East Coast Lagoon n sitting down under the pavilion by the shore to eat n chat tgt. Still went shopping tgt, w e girls helpg e guys to choose shirt, pants n shoes. Now when i c G200 n Bee Cheng Hiang, i'll think of Richie.

haha. n my photography skills definitely improve since i got to take photos for so many events. bt at e same time gt abit of phobia cos had to carry my laptop n DSLR ard e sch all e time n it's really heavy. also gt v scared of e path frm boarding sch to SRC or college cos it's really damn long n on those days when we nd ot wear blazers, my legs r really v pain. Think it was w e hard work of many tt made ISYF 2009 a success. cld c e participants really enjoyed themselves. n listeng to nobel laureates speak is definitely enrichg jus tt i din manage to catch many of e focuses dialogue sessions. n i saw leaders! Weihan, Jiawei n jian hua really impressed me w their ability to lead and generate effective ideas.When ppl ask mi wat SSRC exco is, they always comment tt it's jus another portfolio thg. n i nv deny, cos i noe it's true. bt lookg at Jianhua, i c no signs tt he's doing all these for portfolio. Dunno y ppl hv to b so critical sometimes, like comparg ISYF to APYLS. Agree w wat Dr. Lim said, ISYF has lots of thgs tt APYLS cn nv achieve, e knowledge gain n e exchange of scientific thoughts. No one cn surpass wat we've done except our juniors.Being critical of others is merely an attempt to tell e whole world they r better n tt's a display of ego n lack of understandg.really hope tt our juniors cn do an even better job nxt yr, since we r only e 1st batch n had nthg n resources for reference.
on e last day, when we all came bk frm Closing Ceremony at Shangrila, all i cld feel was emptiness.i dunno where e emptiness came frm. Probably e tiredness piled up by little slp to rush out daily newsletters n a slpless night e day before to compile e photos for photo montage. Or it might b tt e closing ceremony was more of high than heartwarming, tt was y i felt tt tt kind of feelg wont last. or probably it's cos i noe i'll nv gt to meet these bunch of ppl agn. or mayb it's cos i noe i'll feel weird gg bk to sch on thurs when i'm no longer running ard frm boardg sch to SRC n college audi w my camera n laptop.or was it tt i was merely missing some ppl in sch too much.my exco. cos i noe e joy i derived frm e whole wk of ISYF was no where near e joy i received frm lao-ing yusheng and havg dinner out w huangcheng on thurs night.n this is how much these huangcheng rens mean to me. didn't mind puttg away my wk jus to run bk to sch to lao yusheng w them even if tt caused mi to be loaded w wk n din gt to slp. nt being able to join e rest on Dat1 of work, to me,is a big regret.bt i noe i hav 4more mths to compensate for wat i've missed e past wk.

oh well , cant catch up w my wk during CNY period, shall leave it to Wed or Thurs n c wat i cn do. Started e new yr w a running nose. eeeee...bt stil , Happy Chinese New Year to everyone. Have a good yr ahead :)

thks for presents

2009-01-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

Yoyoyo. This is my 1st entry of 2009, n probably my last entry before sch reopens.
I'm here to thk all who my dear flens for their cute presents.
Thks to exco for CHIP n hp strap.
Thks to norine for 3D Archi Models
Thks to Momo for self made blouse.
Thks to Fangyi,Yingjie,Fanghui n Kheng for e v cute blouse!
Thks to ZX for e cute pillows,notebooks,sweets, n surprise choc.
Thks to Jiayi for e bottle of candy biscuits n tt bottle of rice.
Thks to Ai dong gua n ex-tbmate Tdianfeng for e mug n white coffee.(i'll put it in my locker to drink!)
Thks to Kwanki for e long long beautiful New York poster n tt little monkey toy.
Thks to papa yeo qimin for e Merci Choc n SELF DRAWN card.
Thks to Waimin for her Bday card!
Thks to YIs for e v nice to hug cute cushion.
HEEEEE..i'm suppose to sms all of above to thk them for their bday presents, but my sms really bao4 le lah, so shall thk all here :))))))

yep, yest was 4A BBQ, quite fun, bt v waste food! n so many ppl left so early before e place could b cleared up. nt muc opportunities for interaction too. haha, actually it was ok till at 9pm, everyone rushed to e gym to watch CSS 09 to support Yap Jiamin. So chicken wings were left on e pit n when we all went bk e fire was gone already! haha! bt jiamin really sang quite well! hope she cn at least make it to e top few.
n i mus say Shawn break voice damn funny! i still think his singing is nt bad de, js voice really too low. he 长大了, nt so cute liao loh. bt tt new boy boy is v v v cute! bt hmm..his voice nt v gd lah, wat a pity. i was so lookg fwd to hear him sing loh. :(
this wk is gg to b rather horrible for me. mad rush of wk, esp my research paper. realise everyone ard me has finished writing their report. i started earlier than others somemore loh. When sch re-opens no more fun for 11mths. n i promise myself to wk harder, so tt my mum wont continue to hate huangcheng.
e last time i cn play this yr is probably at huangcheng chalet in few days time. bt i paid a too high price to go for this chalet, tt sometimes i really wonder whther it's worth it. bt wat's done is done, no turng bk.
Hate to face this New Yr, bt i'm gg to face it! so jiayoux everyone for 2009! :)
and all non-huangcheng rens , pls come n watch Huangcheng in April!!

Reflections 2008

2008-12-31T00:20:00.000-08:00

On the last day of 2008, i shall blog for e last time of the year. actually i jus posted a short post half n hr ago to complain abt my lost research paper file.bt 15mins ago, a miracle happened, and i gt e file bk somewhere. though i still lost a whole pg of wat i did this afternn, i decided tt it was better than losing my whole doc. so i deleted e post n shall nt make lishian worry. in e process of coooling down nw.
past few days turned out to b e days i've stayed at home e most ever since promos ended. tt's near 3mths. nv expected tt girl like mi will only b willing to stay at home for more than 1 day when i gt really sick. haha mayb tt's my punishment for disappearing frm home everyday, bt i long grew too used to such a life. For once in my entire life, this time i'm nt gg to aim to complete my holi hwk. i gave up. lost e motivation to study n wk hard somewhere through e yr, n i nv managed to find it bk. cos i find studyg n doing hwk a total waste of time. i wld rather spend e time sketchg a picture, reading my 'The Saga of Sydney Opera House', and searching the shelves of e lib for some architecture related bks. so much to do, yet so little time. i shd b restg on e bed nw, bt i forced myself to write my research paper jus nw.bt it seems like i'm nt fated to do wk today.so i better spend e time typing my reflections of 2008.
Think i blogged alot more this yr than in e past, because 2008 has been a v happening yr nt only for me, bt for many others as well. exactly 1 yr ago, life was still full of uncertainties cos Olevel results weren't out, i din noe if i'll like my PAE sch, n din noe which sch i'll end up in eventually. bt i rmb being v excited abt JC, cos i jus wantd to do sthg new n diff, hopefully less studies. i knew i'll still miss RV, n i stil do. bt whther it remains as my best n favourite sch,i probably dun relly noe n i guess it really doesn't matter.
The biggest change this yr is of course e change of school! e jump frm sec to JC is definitely a great leap, n through e yr i grew to realise hw diff jc life cn b. it took me lots of consideration of course courage a yr ago to choose HC, to leave many of my great flens n come to this what i called a NY-HC JC. haha, bt lookg at thgs nw, i think i din make a wrong decision. really had lots of fun this yr n went through many experiences tt made me c n feel alot. Appreciate everyone/every event who/which hav contribted to my 2008, so here's my thankyou list.
First and foremost must b Chi Soc EXCO.it's practically my life.
since elections, think e 7 of us went through lots of ups n downs. bt outside wk, we always hv lots n lots of fun. e foreva v on n high bunch of ppl. though w huangcheng preparations being more n more intense, guess it's really hard for us to come tgt, hope by xiao huangcheng, we stil haven lost our team dynamics k! <3<3<3
So, 1-by-1 in random order :
Jelly! :
YOYOYO! u probably haven changed much over e past mths, cos u are always urself. 坚持做回自己，很好！pity i only gt to noe hw u felt in recent mths, bt i guess it's still nt too late to start noe-ing u. thks for being such a great 朱雀伙伴 and foreva there flen.i believe u'll b a gd SM nxt yr!
GU zheng :
(yi-gu zhu xi) >.< haha. my pathetic busmate. i noe u hate meetg mi at e bus stop, cos tt will mean u hv to b nice n wait for 157 w me n wake mi up when u alight. bt tt's a fair compensation to ur frequent disappearance due to ur spoilt phone. ur new yr resolution mus b to buy a new HP k!
Norine the Dale:
yoyoyo! we built e treehouse n hv invited so many ppl there. if only we cn sit there more often nxt yr. still prefer to classify u as an Rv-ian rather than Hwa Chong-ian, bt still anythg bt a HP-ian. Glad u joined exco eventually n went through lots of ups n downs w me.Sometimes really wonder hw we cn b frm different streams yet still spend almost all our time in sch tgt! hmmm i think it's due to ur subj combi, oh oops..i mean ur SPECIAL prog >.< i probably hv seen u before in sec1, bt it's nt too late to noe u only in J1 rite! let's continue to b high n 形影不离nxt yr! haha! hi-5!
MoMO:
e one hu showed mi wat it really means to care for a flen. u always look out for flen's real needs and is always there to provide help even in e smallest area .atually sometimes feel quite bad tt u r always doing so much for me. dun nd to keep stockg up food in my locker in fear tt i'll b hungry, let mi stock for u! my new yr resolution for u is for u to b back w us( physically n mentally) in huangcheng soon! i noe u cn do it k! jiayoux!!!
Li Shian:
probably e best NY girl i've met so far. though only knew u frm Day0, think it's really nt too late. bt i mus say since Day0, i've been impressed by u, n since then, u RARELY disappoint me. e always optimistic girl who tell mi tt 'life still goes on' and 'chill!'. haha e random msn conv to cheer me up when i thot u were offline. Nxt yr isn't gg to b easy for u. i noe u noe it,bt still hv faith! i believe in u! :))
Jon Lee:
When i did my holi hwk n saw ur handwritg everywhere on my notes n wkshts,i noe hw much time i've been spendg w u this yr. bt i noe nxt yr wld b a totally different story. Will rmb e days u really showed great concern and were online at late hours even till e min before u went to sch.让你离开我的世界也许是我今年最大的遗憾。虽然那应该不是我们当初想要看到的结局，却无疑是我们自己选择的结局。
黄城：ok as a whole, still must say tt huangcheng is still my family n make up e bulk of my HC life. probably wont look fwd to sch if nt for huangcheng. haha somethings r just beyond words. i've no idea wat e nxt 5mths will b like. bt i mus hv faith in 票务组,cos we r gg to achieve fullhouse tgt!

n there's still 30+ other 筹委s whom i'm so eager to wk even closer w. dun think we had tt many opportunities to wk tgt this yr, bt i noe all them r really really nice ppl. esp quite a no. of RV-ians inside, we always hv sthg to b proud of durg gatherings! woots!
nt forgettg drama camp which allowed me to wk w n noe more ppl, like my fellow 朱雀ppl
:)))))))))

ok, besides my CCA life, definitely cant forget my class!
08S6H !: a class tt i din expect much frm initially, yet turned out quite gd. supposed to b 1 of e most mug class, bt think we r really nt. hmm..yet they all still produce among e top de results. i hope i wont keep pullg down e class msg nxt yr, bt 6K n 7B r really too strong to fight w, yea? so let's b contented w our 3rd position! haha. we hv 1 more yr of studyg tgt in e same class! hope gt more chance to noe ppl. bt at least this yr, really think 6H is v lively and crappy, really nt e typical SMTP classes. though v noisy at times n v insensitive, hope e teachers cn continue to b forgivg. n thks to all e teachers who hv taught us this yr. seems like nxt yr we r gg to meet a whole new bunch of teachers!
n special thks to e bunch of GIRLs frm s6h who i went Cambridge w. Reach Cambridge is really e best experience i've ever had in my whole life, n tt 14 days of gettg tgt gt mi to like my class more n saw e cute side of them. of course cant forgt Mrs Chua who took great care of us n camwhore w us for e 14days! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Apart frm my HC life, nt forgettg e lovely ones frm RV who i've still kept close contact w.
e Outing Committee! : jade, karen, kheng , norine and ME. think we really went out quite a few times this yr! our outg always so successful n high attendance, n most imptly, i always hv great fun w all of ur company. i'm sure we cn still randomly meet up nxt yr! :)))

some 4A ppl! : though many of us r in diff schs le, glad i'm still in close contact w some like Kheng, Zi Xiang, Fangyi and Karen. And those HC-ians who bother to sit down at rv canteen bench every morng to chat even though many times, we all end up slpg there! Bt it's ok! at least we made e effort to meet up!
class outg n chalet this yr din receive tt gd response, bt at least allowed a few of us to meet up n hv a gd chat. even though chairperson's efforts dun yield gd results, still mus continue tryg k! cos we really dun wan lose contact. at least till nw, i wld say 4A is stil e best class i've ever been in. n i'm proud to b frm 4Angelic! e coming 4A bbq, nt sure if i'm allowed to go. bt at least i'll try, dun mind jus gg there to c c even if i cant eat. so fellow angels, if u r still considerg whther or nt to go, GO as long as u r free! it wld b a yr before we all cn meet up as a class agn!

n last bt nt least Gift of Reading! :
though din spend alot of time w GOR-ers this yr, tt few times tt i hanged out w them hv been really realy fun, esp at e camp, where as usual allowed me to reflect n think alot. so thks alot GOR-ers!

With that, it'a time to wave goodbye to 2008 and welcome 2009! Hope e yr ahead will be great for everyone. Happy New Yr!

post birthday depression

2008-12-29T00:38:00.000-08:00

i'm not suppose to b lookg at the com now, bt i decided that since i have not used it for so long, it's time for me to check my mail and face e fact tt some wk needs to b done.
i'm here to blog a short post on my 17th birthday.
for once in my whole life, i didn't celebrate my bday. sobs..:'( (though least i did have red eggs on sat.)
instead, i spent my day queuing in the clinic to c a doc and lying on the bed with an ice pack or even ice. no birthday cake, no special feast, only tablets, water and a few spoons of porridge. how pathetic was my birthday :'(
wonder who was the sickening fellow who passed me the throat virus that cause my throat to be infected and swollen and having a temp of 39.0 degrees on the horrible morng of my bday. sigh... how depressing. BUT i'm nt gg to continue ranting on and on about my bad luck, cos i noe despite lying on my bed since Sat, i still received lots of birthday wishes from my flens! yea... i noe my flens still love me..
despite slpg early on the night of 27th, i was somehow awaken by continuos vibration of my hp.
so i woke up to take a look at a few sms-es before i realise my head was really too heavy and i shd slp immediately.
oh yar, at abt 11+, Jade n Waimin sms-ed to 933 to dedicate a song to me to wish my happy bday! hee luckily i managed to climb out of bed to on my radio.thks alot!
n soh fanghui! she sms-ed mi on e 27th cos she was gg to M'sia le. so theoretically, she's e earliest. haha
but i'm most proud of YI LE aka Ai Dong Gua! his msg came in 1st at 00:00 u noe. though i din reply him immediately, his msg was 1 of e few tt i read tt night. though he claimed tt he was also e 1st last yr, somehow i dun rmb nt dun think it's v true leh, unless i was tokkg to him online at tt time.hmmm...bt still thks ai dong gua for rmb-ing!
haha and at 00:00 , there were also Momo n HweeBun's smses! thks thks!
think momo wanted to call to sing bday song de, bt realise i wldn't b in a gd condition to pick up e phone. bt still he called e nxt morng to sing. my ears still nt deaf, glass window nv break, so his singing must b not TOO bad lah! >.< heeee
00.02-- KwanKi
00.11-- Norine! ( i bet my dear Dale's clock must be spoiled. must have been living 11 mins behind others for 17years :p)
-- jade
00.15-- Yingjie
00.17-- Kheng! (17mins late bt claims tt it's ok cos my bday has been on her mind all e time. yea, only dumb girl like mi will believe her! heeeeeheee! )
-- Kuan Loong
00.26--Eunice Lai (after i climbed out of bed to sms her to wish her Happy Bday too!)
00.48--Zi Xiang
01.15-- Waimin
01.38-- Fangyiiii ( e dumb dumb who said her hp alarm nv ring..tsktsktsk)
01.44-- Xiaoxi ( first time after knowg her for 6yrs)
02.24-- Jon Lee ( a call from UK tt woke me up and almost din dare to pick up cos din recognise e weird no., bt yep, really appreciate it!)
05.08-- Karene ( so early in e morng , i must e e 1st person she thought of when she woke up in e morng! )
haha okiex, after tt still gt Jia Min,Yitongtong, Xinrui,Mackey,Eeeeeee Shawn, Grace, Jamie, LiShian,Yijing fu, Boey,Keat Ying, ex-ex tablemate tan Dian Feng, ex-tablemate Ade, Hwee Yanne and my dear Karen!gt a few unknown no. tt i dun recognise.i'll try to find out soon k! n late ones include Jon Tay, Bena n Jiayi and YEO qimin..haha bt late better than nv k!
yeaa thks alot to all those who sms-ed mi k! bt most msg-es turned out to b a get well soon msg. hope i din forgt to reply anyone. in fact i din manage to read most of those msg till when i was queuing in e clinic. haha n i just realise alot of ppl wrote on my facebook wall. thks Zi jia, jianqing, Kish, WanLin, Xin Rong,Guanjie,Valerie Ang, JunHui, Yiming, Fann, Sihui, ninja Jon Loke,and Zheng Hang!!! :)))
sorry to those i was suppose to go out w yest. Din mean to pangseh u all. let's try to meet up agn another day.
my head is heavy agn, better go bk to sleep..

Dec 08

2008-12-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

YOYOYO! >.< realised it has been v long since i last blogged.
few thgs worth being mentioned here for e past few wks!
no.1 : my piaowu signed up for a FOH attachment at Esplanade for the Nutcracker tgt! actually nt full team, bt ALMOST all lah. Workg tgt was fun, n gave us time to chat,tgt w yuchen.bt e best thg was wat we did at Marina (supposed to eat dinner).

Cool rite! nv knew vera so on abt piaowu.

Jiayoux Piaowu! although some of us started to noe each other only v late, it's ok! cos we cn work harder! n i noe we cn do it! Believe and trust rite!

oh then it was Drama Camp 08! rmb spendg hours during meetg last mth, discuss whther or nt we shd cancel it. Glad we din, cos eventually we din do as bad as i had expected. i wonder how we gt 40+ participants..hmm bt if nt for e fact tt RVCL was subsidized n Huagang kids were forced to come, we definitely wont b tt lucky to reach tt no. if we had only gotten abt 20-30 ppl, e atmosphere wld b so bad. Though e organisation of e camp wasn't good and many thgs were overlooked, what ultimately made e camp fun was e ppl. e facils who endlessly tried to make their grps high, and lishian's pt system which created competition.think e pt system was really good cos kids are v competitive and they like to win. ( not tt ppl of our age dun like to win) and i wld call this a helpful solution. cos when u c a prob, u shd try to solve it in a way tt it really helps ( some ppl like to make thgs worse), and nt let e prob go out of control. yea...
i myself had a bunch of high ppl in my grp. or to b specific, 7 high ppl, n 2 quiet ones. think i was really lucky tt my grp din hv v attitude or zi4 bi4 ppl like other grps.n tgt w my other best facil JELLY, we made e best out of our 4days! e facils were exposed to many types of kids during the camp (kids meaning sec schs students + a few P6 boys), many of which were problematic. bt i was v easy to noe wat kind of person they are within 1 day, cos they are jus kids. bt despite all those problematic ppl, each grp turned out really good, cos facils tried to handle interpersonal relationships properly. i mean even if facils cn be v good in theatre/drama, cn demo theatresports v well, cn b v loud and high/crazy , at e end of e day if they cant even communicate w their grp members or build gd relationships w them, such facils wld really suck , yea ?
i wld say my grp is not made up of v nice kids, some were really childish and jus wans to c their idea being used. bt hmmm, they are still young, and definitely hav to go through more before they learn to become a better person. Interactg w such kids really made mi realise hw ppl of my age hv grown over e years, cos we were once like those kids, v uptight abt winning, v anxious over presentations n only wans to play.bt this i a growing process. my grp migt nt b made up of e most sensitive/most caring/most adorable/or most obedient ppl, bt i think they are really cute in their own ways, n e 4days of bringing them ard really made mi quite attached to them. tt was e night before e last day, Jelly n i decided to make sthg for them. a self made photoframe and a hand-drawn card. when e camp finally ended, i asked myself, y did i spend my whole night in sch drawg tt 9phoenix when i cld hv printed frm internet n photocopy. y did jelly hv to cut out pieces n pieces of wood frm a big piece of wood to make a photoframe ,when we cld hv jus gave e photos to them like tt or e most buy a photoframe. guess i dun really noe, bt i think, mayb tt's cos i really wan them to takeaway sthg nice frm e camp n always rmb tt they once spent 4days w 8other grp members n 2 facils in HC learng abt theatre. i din think tt at their age they wont really noe wat it really means to appreciate n rmb, bt somehow i still felt tt it was worth it to sacrifice my slp to work through e nite for sthg for them. though last day turned out like a mad rush, w mi n jelly disappearg frm e grp v often to paint our photoframes at e storage area n mi tryg to draw my phoenix discretely, w mi gulpg a can of nescafe durg e day yet still havg heavy head n eyelids, w jelly dozg off durg grp's presentatn n still kept eatg packets n packets of sugar, i dun regret spendg my night at amphi n dozg off on e benches for 1hr or so.
special thks to the daozhangs esp ee shawn, and karene, lishian, norine and many other ppl who helped us in e photoframes, if nt we really wldn't hv finished doing it.n sigh , apologies to other facils if we really made u all feel bad for nt puttg in tt great amt of effort for ur grps. we din mean to spoil mkt.bt i think it's really ok, since every grp's facil made or at least wrote sthg to their grps n most imptly they all love their own facils. i hope nxt yr huangcheng they cn still meet up to watch e perf tgt, bt tt's provided they still rmb each other.
realise one of my 朱雀grp members took a photo of her gift n used as profile pic on facebook.

heee everythg there is handmade/hand-drawn. started off we a white piece of paper n a big piece of wood.
n they actually set up a blog for fellow 朱雀s. imba enthu..haha
n yea , thks jelly for being such a great and caring partner.really gt to noe bit more abt him frm e 4days workg tgt.frm him, i cn always c e huangcheng spirit.hee...
tt's all for drama camp, hope e OT learnt their lesson frm it n work even harder for e nxt few mths.
moving on, it's the great exco outg yest! whoooo!!! tt day it jus suddenly struck my mind tt mayb exco shd hv a reunion mean tgt n eat tangyuans！yea so mi n norine nicely organized it. supposed to mug tgt before tt, bt we decided to visit Momo's new house! haha so we went to westmall frm sch to eat lunch n went toa payoh to recee momo's house>.< of course e main purpose is to make sure his house is live-able n to buy him some food. sorrie no $ buy u pots n pans or fridge or flask or kettle.bt dun serve mi anymore tap water k! so after nuah-ing a while n attemptg to did bit of hwk, we went in search of our tangyuans! cos v late le, we went toa payoh central 1st to find, bt cldn't find wat we wantd, so we went CHINATOWN!

abit crazy rite, at night go chinatown jus to find tangyuan. bt heee, it was so damn fun... our effort paid off! cos we managed to find a famous dessert shop at chinatown n eat tangyuans!

always hv a great time w exco. even though we lost another day of doing hwk , we really dun mind! wheeee...rmb tt time when i was away in UK, really miss my exco alot..bt nw hmmm, even though we r all workg tgt for huangcheng, there's only hunagcheng organizg committee, no more chi soc exco. bt nvm , PONG HU LE, chi soc exco shall b back! yeaaa!

post GOR camp 08 reflections

2008-12-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Woots..jus gt bk frm GOR camp, of course filled w thoughts rite.
every yr, every GOR camp nv fail to enlighten me in some areas. GOR is really a place i learn alot, esp in terms of interpersonal relationship skills n of course leadership skills.
i rmb 4yrs ago, e v 1st GOR camp at NACLI, met this bunch of new flens, frm HC n RV. We all sat in different tables n rarely interact. i had my grpmates lujie, wenbo, kenyan n eileen. n grew to think lujie n wenbo r e nicest guys ever.
it took abt 1yr for everyone to familiarise w each other. n at e end of e yr, when we had a camp agn, we were already a big family.
subsequently, every half a yr, we come tgt , to org a camp, takg turns to lead, train new batches of volunteers n make them feel at home.
yet every yr, after each camp, i'll ask myself, wat hv i done for Gift? all i cn feel is guilt.
Everyone has diff priorities, n i've always chosen to put some other commitments above GOR.in sec sch it was cca n studies, nw, it's still cca. bt i noe, it's nv too little to jus turn up for 1 session, n nv too much to turn up every wk at TJCC.
at e end of day, e degree of sense of accomplishment is directly proportional to e time n effort one has put in.
every yr, i only attend abt 3-5 sessions. it's really little, bt it's at least enough for mi to knw wat has been gg on.
n i noe this forgivg n acceptg family understands n nv blamed me.
3days ago, i participated in GOR's 08dec camp, as a senior who hv helped shaped gift's culture n contributed to gift.
i'm happy enough tt there is nw a new grp of dedicated volunteers who find joy in wat they r doing nw. though their organization of camp is disappointg n nds alot more guidance, i'm already contented tt they are there. i enjoyed e camp, i had great fun, i felt e gift culture agn, cos i witness hw every yr, new volunteers interact w each other so well tt friendships cn b fostered easily, n hw old volunteers hv nv failed to spread this love to e new ones n make them feel at home.
For tt, gift is a really special place, w volunteers driven by NOTHING by love. n i dare say such contribution is genuine n valuable cos portfolios, CIP hrs, recognition and rewards r nv associated w this respectable love.
unfortunately even though i cn say i love GOR, i cant transform it into actions in terms of turng up for gift sessions. bt when asked wat decision i made tt reallt created an impact, i said it was e decision to go for e camp, even though i've nv worked w more than half e ppl there. cos tt was e least i cld do, to witness e rise of our juniors, to share this responsibility w them, to place our trust in them and to giv them our most valuable advice w our experiences.it was also an effort to catch up w those frm my batch: kheng, waimin, yitong, lujie, kaihan, yida, wenbo, gino, aran, munkei, aidah, peilin, sinee,huihui, kish, victor.i noe if this effort to meet up w them is nt made, e strong friendships tt we once hold will slip out of our hands. n i definitely wont regret gg for GOR camps, cos it's always nice hangg out w gor ppl.
bt i really think juniors din plan e camp properly. failed to think deeper in e organizatn process, missed out alot of thgs tt cld hv allowed learng opportunities to b maximized.e failure to stand in frt of a crowd n speak, e inability to think deeply n spontaneously and express confidently wat they feel, e lack of focus on learng objectives of activities, e poor planng of schedule, n e inability to grasp e dynamics of e team. simply too many loopholes, n it wld hv been alot more if Kish din cover alot of thgs.i think Kish really brought us through many activities really really well.
besides e juniors, think e seniors cld hv contributed more. nt everyone went there n spoke golden words like lujie. at least i think participatg in their activities n gettg involve directly is a form of support to our juniors.i feel apologetic for wakg up only at 10+ am this morng when 1st acivity started at 9am, bt at least i participated in all e other activities n joined in discussions.
if only reflection sessions cn b taken more seriously, i believe more cld hv been learnt. pity, bt this is sitll their learng process, cant expect so much rite?
at least even if thgs start wrong, it will end right. tt's wat i saw in gift, where ppl din come in w e right intentions, bt gt to know eventually, wat it means to really care.

4a'07 chalet!

2008-11-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

Whoo! bk frm 4A chalet!
i think attendance was abt 15! though only 6 stayed for all 3days!
bt numbers dun matter for us! cos i'm sure all hu went enjoyed ourselves!
really gd time to catch up w ex-classmates.nevertheless, still true tt attendance ispoor.out of a class of 37 angels, tt few turn up..mus say thks to eunice, yulei, ade, kheng, fangyi,chenghui, qimin,phagan, zi xiang,kuan loong, jon loke, willy, kwanki n yile for making e effort to turn up! bt i noe some others r really busy til really cant go down for half a day n some nt in S'p:( Hope nxt yr cn hv better attendance! though i'm nt hopeful, cos everyone will b flyg everywhere n gt JC class chalet where ppl will b forced to make choices. bt tt's all provided fangyi still has a faith in us to organize a chalet nxt yr. if so little ppl turn up agn n everyone has to end up payg so much, probably nt v ideal then.
pity i had to go bk sch for huangcheng meetgs yest n ended up gg bk chalet at abt 12.luckily gt jon loke accompany mi bk. Bt no matter hw inconvenient, I’ll nv pon huangcheng meetgs.
i mus say really had a great time w fellow 4Angelic! my jc class might b gd too, bt i noe 4A is irreplaceable (i'm sure many will find their new jc class e best ...). some flens r nt meant to b forgotten! some fond memories r meant to b rmb-ed for life, cos we were once a class! <33333 I learnt tt my response really slow n I’m a retard! Cos I cant play games tt require concentratn! Hee!

友情和爱情只是一线之差。
理智告诉我，是时候停止寻找答案了。放手吧。可内心却告诉我，把它隐藏在心里的最深处。
终于体会到真正的距离是当一个人明明在你旁边，却感觉不到他的心灵。
地球又环绕太阳一圈了。。。

to him

2008-11-23T09:19:00.001-08:00

有些问题没有答案，也没有确实起因。
我只是一味地跟着感觉走，不知不觉走到了这一步。
不是没有回头路，而是我不知道应该倒回去吗。
我回头望，看见了JE lib 的小角落，kids section ，冰淇凌，只有黑糖的ice kachang, 新鲜面包，0.38的笔, 阴暗的街道，还有很多点点滴滴，我都记得，。。。。。却只能回味。
7个小时的时差曾经不是问题，但现在同在一个空间内，却抵赖彼此的存在。我想那才是真正的距离。
几个星期前，我曾说过，给我一点时间，但看来时间只能冲淡一切，让那曾经在我眼前的快乐逐渐消逝。
我不是没有尝试找回，只是不知道怎样找到平衡点。
只听过别人公私不分明是把私人感情带入工作，却不知道原来倒过来也能致命。
我想知道友情的定义是什么，可我知道友情没有定义，没有标准。是一种感觉。可以来得快，也能突然消失。但我知道，在友情面前，自尊应该是渺小的。友情不是一场游戏，没有输赢。友情靠的是一份真诚的心，必须坦白，尤其是对自己。至少我一直都没否认自己在乎。
可能我们都太固执了。可是当我们都坚持自己的立场时，我不禁会想，那过去的半年又算什么？
期望只会带来失望。
我也不想带着遗憾毕业。这次就让我给自己一个机会吧。再给我一天的时间，好吗？

Nov holidays

2008-11-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a long long time since i blogged.
have been busy, besides work, there's still tv to watch, n hav been busy catchg Forensic Heroes 2 online. Great show !
Holidays r really cool, givg mi e time to rest , slp more, n reflect abt this 1yr tt has past like tt. Chatted w few ppl todae, n realise e yr tt has past hv been a rather gd one.
exactly a yr ago, life was full of uncertainties amidst enjoyg post-Olevels life.
No one dared say JC life wld b a gd one. i rmb being excited abt new life, cos i thot i hv experienced enough in tt 4yrs, cos i knew no matter hw close we cn b to our classmates, we hv to move on in life.
i think we all started off, nt being really receptive of our new class. those were e days we looked bk at our sec sch days n say , i wish i was still in rv.
bt e fact is, all of us hv become attached to our new class over e yr, n some so attached tt RV life no longer mean tt much anymore.
I'm nt sayg clinging on to e past n nt moving on in life is nt gd. i'm jus amazed by hw human brains work. hw some feelings cn b so strong at 1 instant, yet mean nthg to u at another instant. i'm amazed at hw easily ppl cn forget.
nevertheless it's gd tt everyone is doing well in a new environment. jc probably really exposed many of us to a new environment. rv was a far too protected one, such tt we nv really knew wat a real world means. nt tt we finally noe, bt at least know more abt it. there's really alot tt we haven seen, havent experienced. we r probably nt even half way through our life. many thgs tt cld hv hit us hard in e past will nt matter anymore in e future, cos feelings dun last, they fade away e time. n it takes effort to keep watever we really wan to.
we r a step closer to e workg world. in few yrs time, tt's when e real challenge come. tt's when wateva mistakes we make cannot b punished simply by demerit pts. we r gg to meet more type of ppl, n broaden our social circle.
it's 4A chalet on Mon! let's c then...
Haiz i hv so much work to do, bt i jus dun feel like doing anythg ...back to reality soon.

wheee ...someone is back le! :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

ppl flyg!

2008-11-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

i think many ppl flyg off tmr! 16th Nov
Bon Voyage to all!
e one flyg to Philippines, take a gd break! i'll miss u!
n e one flyg to Scotland, hv fun n dun miss mi! (kk , i noe u wont...:(..)
n yea! my Norine is coming bk too!

不是无心，是怕自己会哭，所以我始终没敢看。。。

gonggong

2008-11-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

这一天始终来了。。。
可我却最后一个才知道。

gong gong

2008-11-10T05:31:00.001-08:00

Had a nice time doing photography duty at Shangrila Hotel yest Good food, n nice opportunity to take photos. Had lots of fun esp camwhoring w Gu,Ee Shawn the Woodman,Aunty Jasper,Jelly n Amanda! <3

I'm missg Norine so much....

Can't rmb when was e last time i spoke to him. Bt i noe it's nt a day , nt a wk , nt a mth. Neither is it a few mths. Half a yr? i hope it's nt longer than that. This morng when i saw him, i noe i hv been living in my own world for a yr. 这是最后一次了吧。可我不舍得。我知道眼泪终究会掉下来...

after 08s6h's bbq

2008-11-06T05:51:00.000-08:00

HA! long time nv blog, nt tt nthg interestg happened in my life, bt simply cos i was lazy n busy, esp w PW.
Bt yep, finally cleared PW on tues.Although PW is a horrible thg to do, bt i definitely think it helped to allow ppl in class to interact. i probably wont gt to interact much w some of my PW grp mates if nt for PW.i noe my grp is e slowest in class, probably e most inefficient n e slackest, only finalised slides 1hrs before OP, n din hv sufficient preparation, bt we still manage to do it in e end! sometimes gettg too uptight over sthgs isn't gd. bt of course,mus wait till we all gt our A, then cn prove tt dun nd to b so pia for PW.had quite a fun time w my PW, bt if we cld afford to nt do last min work, then it cld b better.
hmmm.. seems like nthg more significant happened besides 08S6H's BBQ at WEST COAST PARK. dun ask mi y we chose west coast park. i din choose tt lah,voted by class.this is e 1st class outg i've been to (*guilt*guilt*)West Coast park isn't a gd choice lah, secluded place, bt wat matters most isn none other than e ppl u spend e time there w. Attendance was nt bad, n we really had fun bbq-ing n eatg tgt. jus tt i feel v horrible nw for eatg so much.we spend $200+ leh! i ate so many marshmallows n other food. dont normally gt to eat so much at BBQs de. n i actually bbq-ed sthg! crabsticks! hahaa all done by me k. though crabstick is nt those kindof really nd to cook de, bt still i cooked it! yes for e 1st time, kaka did sthg to b proud abt! :)))if only mrs chua went, it wld b a perfec outg! bt still really had a great time.
now, lookg fwd to 4a class chalet. i noe attendance won't b gd, cos everyone is busy.bt hmm, dunno hw many will still make e effort to go. a yr ago when we all were tearg to part, n nv dare to face jc life. tt has all become hist. for nw, hw many still rmb wat it means to b part of 4Angelic. ppl change n forgt,tt's too easy.

been asked several times recently, all i gt to say is no one provided mi w e right choice to e question. in tt aspect, i've nv moved on. i'm still at where i was a yr ago.

GOOD LUCK for ur OP tmr! :) i cn only giv u my best wishes!

awwww..i'm gg to miss Noooorine damn badly tmr. Havent experienced nt seeing her for more than 2 days for mths! sad life... bon voyage my dear norine! n dun miss mi too much, though i think i'll miss u alot more. Hav fun!:)))))))

2008-10-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hohoho, todae marks the last day of sch. i'm nt emo, n nt gg to b emo. probably i haven really experienced e holidays, cos too busy, n still nd to go sch for PW. today, i knew e meaning of 有始有终 when s6h went to A317 to hv a farewell w mrs eileen tan, n all of us rmb-ed, it was tt classroom tt we 1st entered when we 1st met as a class. Suddenly, i realise, e class meant so much to me( i hv always valued e class k!), cos they went through this 1 yr of torturous lessons w me. it's fast, hw my last memory of tt classroom was our orientation days, when we 1st met ms lim n played intro game, where we used 3 words to describe ourselves n put 1 of our possession into a plastic bag to b passed ard to pick n guess its owner Woooosh, it's 1yr, e class which i only knew yijing n shike became this bunch of 25 crazy/kiasu/yet cute ppl.of course nt forgettg e great tutors we had this yr. it's sad tt most teachers r nt continuing to teach us nxt yr. seriously ,our tutors r v good. if nt for their tutorials ,i probably wld hv flunk my exams. cant imagine my J2 life w/o proper lecture n tutorials.
J2 le, mus grow up le.if i hv time to do a proper reflection over e holi , i'll do tt ,if nt let this b e one.
no matter wat we thought n expected of HC life, we r proud to hv survived a yr.a yr more to go,n tt's e crucial yr.

2008-10-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

so sad..

2008-10-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

今天，我选择睡觉。从1点睡到8点，中途只起来了30分钟吃杯面。这是逃避的一种方式，因为开着眼睛的每一刻，我的心都会很痛。。。我很在意，很担心，很心痛，却只能装着不在乎，因为不想让她担心。
又要去睡了。。。

mummy coming back

2008-10-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

yea,生命一直停留在7天前，不久后就能继续往前走了！期待。。。:)

黄城筹委！

2008-10-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

haha, finally 黄城第28届筹委is formed! (left 2 to 3 more positions nt confirmed though) bt yea, during the next meeting, there will be 10 more ppl joining mi!
can feel tt all of us r ready n all set to chiong for 黄城09 already!
i'm abit disappointed w e results amidst e new found excitement, bt hmmm, i trust Li Shian, n it's nt up to me to make any comment.
票务cn do it too! i really saw hope tt day, n out of nowhere, i found my motivation.
黄城夜韵，让你的梦想起飞！

haha 终于找回了珏颖，很开心啊！
jiayoux too Momo! 下一个就是你了！

emo...

2008-10-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today din't seem like a good day.
For a long time , i havent felt such deep emptiness.
today i truly felt it.
woke up alone. went to sch n started pia-ing WR like mad cow, n still din hand in on time.with a drained brain n empty stomach, i stepped into audi.
i knew why i was there, but while i sat there, my brain was empty.
nthg from the lecture went into my brain though i listened attentively
when the lecture ended, i walked out of e audi, nt knowg where to go to.bt my heart brought me somewhere. my brain was filled w e last sentence tt she said in her last lesson w us.
i went to have my lunch, to realise tt my wallet was empty cos i spent all my $ buyg photocopy card for printg WR. my tom yam yong tau foo was spicy i think, bt i cldn't taste it.
the rain made thgs worse.
my hideout place was wet, i had nowhere to hide. i wantd to listen to some music, bt my laptop's batt was runng low.
so i slept, at e v same spot, only to wake up 3hrs latr n realise i was late for SRP.my slp was v deep, so deep tt i almost cldn't wake up.bt despite the rain, i walked out, all e way to my lab.the wind was strong, bt i wanted to feel cold and shiver. i knew it was raining ,bt i cldn't feel e rain. i knew it was dinner time ,bt i decided to starve myself. my wallet was stil empty anw. so went home after finishg my work in e lab at 9.30pm w an empty stomach, experiencing gastric pain.daily routine these few days has become -go sch, stone in sch for 3 -7hrs ,go out eat dinner, go home, do PW, slp, wake up in e morng like a zombie!

all my flens will gt promoted...no one is to b left behind. i noe u noe i'm here n will always be here for u.cheer up :)

我的生命停留在五天前,直到。。。

2008-10-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Started e day sadly e moment i got out of bed. then gd thgs din happen in sch.
was worried e whole day, probably y e 7hrs of stoning passed tt quickly. n finally gt happy durg CCA time , then agn ... i'm more sad than ever nw... hate pw ...

Dead...

Mr Lion

2008-10-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

Haha it's my 3rd blog entry todae! so funny.
finally gt sthg funny to blog abt.
Junhui 1st made mi laugh todae cos of chrysanthemum! (haha nvm if no ones understand!)
then i was told to c these photos. so funny.

Mr Lion attemptg to play pool.

Mr Lion attemptingto bully small kid! oh dear!

Mr Lion caught sleeping unglamly on sch benches!tsktsktsk...:D

cambridge drawing

2008-10-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

Those were the days ... bt such beautiful memories have become history.

worried

2008-10-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

表面看起来没事，却知道近来自己内心其实多了一份焦虑。
不说并不代表不在乎。不表露，是不想让人担心。
从她踏出门的那一刻起，我的笑脸隐藏着稍稍的一丝忧愁。
我担心，她更担心。。。:)

post promos

2008-10-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

This wk n nxt wk r e so called heart attack wks, n some described it as a more torturous period of time than durg promos. of course i do not agreee. what cn b better than slackg ard in sch w only abt 2 lessons per day n come online e whole night n do nt need to study! life has been so good...
bt hmmm, on the other hand, post promos cn bring much depression to some ppl. fortunately or unfortunately, some ppl nv seem to experience sadness when they gt back promos results, cos e ppl hu do well r always e same , while ppl hu do badly continues to do badly unless luck pops out of nowhere. it's probably a period of time when ppl hu gt gd results grumble abt nt gettg better, when ppl at border line grades grumble abt wantg 1 more mark, where ppl hates gettg back results, where ppl gts sad when they lose out to others, where ppl hu fail subjs gt emo, where ppl cant promote, where ppl think tt hard work nv pay off. Lots of commotion, lots of unhappiness, lots of overjoy, lots of disappointment. What i'm tryg to say is everyone has different expectations for themselves. some nv think of a B, cos they only know wat As r, while some cn nv even dream of gettg B, such a high grade.it's probably a time when u might b grumbling abt nt gettg an A in frt of a person hu gt U unknowingly.Many times, such actions r unintentional.Mayb it's best tt everyone looks at their grades n keep their mouth shut after tt, n nt express any emotions? then no one will be b hurt unintentionally. but if tt happens, r we still normal human beings ? obviously such thgs r impt. it's most impt for ppl hu gt gd results to nt brag, to nt grumble for more, to b more sensitive to surroundg esp classmates n flens, n to know ur limits.it's also impt for ppl hu do nt gt gd results to understand tt everyone has different expectations n everyone's level of satisfaction is different.
for me, obviously my results cant b gd. bt considerg e no. of lectures i hv listened e frequency of mi studyg, n my brain capacity, i probably hv no rights to ask for more( here agn i noe this sentence will face objections by some, while some will totally agree)there r some subj tt u will ask for more, bt some which simply only hope for a pass.ppl assumes v gd grades frm a 10A1 student. bt to b v frank, Olevels does nt reflect brain capacity tt accurately.e range of A1 is so wide tt it's enough to gt an A1 as long as u did average for tt subj, it doens't mean i came to HC w 10 strong subjs! in fact, my sciences hav always been my weakness since pri sch. i cld hv survived Olevels w freq NAPS in class, bt hw possible izzit to survive JC w frequent SLEEPS. If only i had taken at least 3 lectures seriously this whole yr...
bt still , i must say i'm satisfied so far, cos i don't ask for much, really (except maths)... it's gd to learn to b contented n noe my limits. i dun nd to b at e top to noe wat happiness is. (if i had accidentally irritated anyone by sayg my maths results r v screwed, i'm sorry, bt i really think so ) .

2008-10-16T02:27:00.000-07:00

haiz, e pathway tt leads to nowhere,nt cos there's no endg, bt cos it's blocked at e other end. No escape.

If only we cn c light..

2008-10-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

i read a joke online today.haha..wanted to laugh, bt then realise, hmmm, mayb tt person is pitiful.

sad

2008-10-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

kaka is v sad. sad to b a heartless n useless girl.
为了追寻这份所谓的爱，付出的代价到底有多大？也许是借口吧。

after openhouse

2008-10-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

cant believe i'm gettg busier, blogg lesser, slpg lesser after promos.
havent on e com for e last 3days, n tt's a new record for me, cos this doesn't happen even for promos period.slept immediately after i reached home.
wat hv i been doing...
1st for ISYF Fac camp, then it was openhouse preparations.
Havent gt time to blog abt ISYF fac camp. my 1st experience in stayg in HC boardg sch n i think it was great! always hear scholars tokg abt hw terrible stayg in boardg sch is, bt after self experience, i mus say tt it's nt tt bad.lodging is gd, e place is nice, only the food is bad.wldn't mind stayg in boardg sch if i hv e $.wake up in e morng, happily stroll to sch.haha.tokkg abt ISYF, i think i'll gt quite busy over it soon. Signed up initially only to do my photog duty n design stuffs.bt it turned out tt these jobs no longer nd to b covered by me.instead i've become part of the organizing committee.look fwd to it, cos i think it's gg to b big n fun. though nt as famous as APYLS, think they cn b similar in years to come.hopefully hostg delegate frm e other Asian countries will b fun.also met a grp of NY 41 ppl, hu majority r SMTP students.n also someone interestg.
Missed FOS cos of this,abit sad, bt it's ok, cos out class isn't gg to win anw.
had sabbacs too! this time i went for archery! nt bad, at least this yr i've tried rockclimbg, archery n clayshootg.unfortunately ,cos me the poor lefthander has a right mastereye, games tt require aimg probably really isn't suitable for me. nevertheless, it was fun gg sabbacs w gd flens! n instructor was so cute! hee.
i noe someone ended up in architecture cos of me. i've said sorry many many times,bt there's really nthg i cn do. really attempted to change to archi le, bt i really din wan to gt a scoldg frm teacher for nthg.n yes i'm v sad to miss a chance to attend an architecture course. really wish i cld noe more abt archi. this dream of mine seems to b gettg further n further such tt i no longer noe wat i want.i wan go URA.i wan draw dead fish, i wan draw buildgs :'( n if u actually bother to realise, i was really v sad nt to b able to go for architecture course, n if only u cld stop rubbg salt on my wound when it was ur decision to choose archi.
tt 2days was also spent paintg Chi Soc banner for openhouse! a 5m x 10m banner certainly isn't a small matter!it takes lots n lots of effort to do it! drawg n paintf in e dark w hp lights (till li shian knew Siva), till 10+ when everyone is already worn out frm sabbacs le.hw much it shows abt Chi Soc.it was really fun paintg a banner tgt.to ask me y we paited such a big banner, i think it's to show our spirit (not our power).ultimately, u'll realise e aim of e banner is no longer to attract attention frm sec4 students who attend e openhouse n believe in huangcheng,cos seriously, hw useful cn such a banner b to sec4 students hu r nt even in HC yet.instead, it was a process of paintg it,tt made members c hw great we all cn b if we work tgt, n hw our effort cn yield gd results.it also showed e sch wat huangcheng is. i'm sorry for all e other ccas who hv no prime spot to hang their banners becos of ours which took up a really huge space.bt i really hope u all cn look at it in a positive way n believe in huangcheng spirit too. bt my deepest apologies goes out to council whom we hv created lots of trouble for.we hv no ill intentions, jus wantd to put up e best we cld.cn totally understand hw u all feel, n noe hw difficult a spot we hv put u all in jus to let thgs go our way.besides sayg sorry, there's nthg much we cn do.u all might nt b able to understand y we r doing all this,bt i cn only say, tt's huangcheng spirit.nevertheless,trust me, we(or mayb nt all, bt MOST) all noe e lmits.
Openhouse wasn't really successful, cos of some organization probs n poor response.bt tt doesn't mean council failed.somethgs r nt within their control.n i believe they hv done wat they cld.really saw e effort they put in.jolene mus hv been damn stressed as e chairperson of openhouse.bt u noe wat, Jolene, great job! w/o such prior experience in RV,to lead e grp of councillors in organizg such a big event,i respect u as a leader.i heart Hwa Chong!
yest , gt to b e tourguide for openhouse, n brought a grp of 5 Cedar girls ard e sch, tgt w Norine.attempted to persuade them to join HC ,bt alot of times, it's nt e matter of whther ppl wan to come to HC or nt. it's whther they cn make it in or nt.so wat's e pt of puttg so much effort.bt i noe hw dififcult it is to gt into HC, so i'm proud to b a Hwa Chong-ian! so yest i cld proudly tell ppl everythg abt Hwa Chong! hee..
nevertheless, ego-ism is one of e most direct route to failure.
does winning really matter tt much...
learn e art of losing w pride...
anw yest i crazily went for NJ post promos party organized by council. i dunno y i was there, probably jus to support someone, n to c my flens.NJ seems like my 3rd home, haha,cos in e sch compound, for every 10m i walk, i'm bound to meet some flens.e treasure e RV spirit, e way RV-ians work tgt, e cohesion btw all CCAs includg council, n e class spirit.think i went for more NJ concerts n perf than HC's one.
i knew i was bound to gt scammed, bt i still happily went there, to hv fun.mayb i'm crazy,gt scammed still so happy.bt u noe wat, spendg $10 to support a flen is nt too much.effort shd b appreciated n rewarded,bt nt everyone understands tt.

爱她就得懂得她真正需要什么。
有时努力尝试，却一再感到失望。是时候该放手了吧，可我还在乎。。。

2008-10-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

Din expect to end up arguing w u agn today,bt it's cos there's sthg we really treasure n care for.i know u meant well, i know u strongly believe in what u think.Not tt i dun understand u, bt i jus cant agree.
在坚持自己的立场的当儿，不要忘了周围的人，更不要伤害任何人。同样的立场不一定只有一种表达的方式。

came back from ISYF fac camp.it certainly was a gd experience.bt i shall blog abt it another day,since i dun hv e time nw n is super tired.

post J1 promos

2008-10-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

haha, it's e 1st day of post-promos, Jus finished last paper yest.
Nt surprisgly, i lost my excitement after promos, even though i was still v excited abt finishg promos jus 10mins before e last paper.waited so long for e day to come, bt when it came ,u realise actually it's nthg much. bt of course, i still lik it.wat cn b more toturg then mugg? oh actually alot of thgs.
spend my thurs havg lunch w s6H at swensens.mus say tt even though i've rarely spend time w my class besides curriculum time, i still enjoy spendg time w them,cos they've went through my 1st yr in HC w mi. really wld make e effort to spend time w them, bt sometimes,in fact in reality, one only has 24hrs per day n can't afford to split myself up.there jus happen to b other ppl hu i place closer to my heart, who i choose to spend my time w.
had a quick lunch n i went off to JE lib, right on day i finished my promos:) such a great flen!(SMUG) haha..
n then met up w kheng n Jade to hv dinner w Noooorine n i.perhaps it still feels gd to b w rv-ians.
ohyar, mus mention sthg damn funny. In e lift of je lib ,sthg funny happened.there was 1 moment in history when there were 7RV-ians n 1 HC-ian( or rather RG girl?).haha e 7 Rv-ians consist of 4unknown RV juniors, Noorine, Guzheng n Me! e 4 juniors probably din realise it initially , till e odd one out startedt to feel despised n say '立德立..." ,n they started turng to e advertisements in e lift n giggled. haha , it's also amazing hw u cn sit in je lib for so many days n when u randomly take ur eyes off ur notes n take a look outside, u c bunch of rv-ians crossg e bridge n u start to recall e days when u too like to hang ard (esp at JEC) after sch instead of gg home.
i think someone probably finally realised hw RV-ish JEC is.:p
anw i think i'm pro to hv survived promos.cant believe tt i cld make myself mug day n night for 2 whole wks.it was damn scary, bt it's jus life,to b accepted w/o questions.bt thks to those hu hv helped mi pull through this torturg exam period.
ppl hu hv been w mi at JE lib, my dear norine, jon lee ,moxiang,yisheng ,yijing.n special thks to jon lee who hv been toleratg my stupid questions, slow response n 24hrs sleepiness. n thks for always tryg so hard to wake mi up when i fall aslp while studyg everyday.it mus hv been a hard time tryg to wake mi up, bt i really appreciate it.mugg period probably wld hv no bit of joy w/o u ppl.thks alot alot k!
hmm, n tokkg abt promos, think it was nt too bad ,except GP tt i dun think i cn pass, bt enough to let mi promote, i assume.expectations for promos? i really dun think i expect much, esp when copared to ppl in my class...
hmm,,tt day my sis said tt i'll nv understand hw she feels, cos i nv fail to gt wat i wan,unlike her.mus admit tt her words totally pierced through my heart.i obviously dun often gt wat i wan, bt perhaps compared to her, or at least in her eyes, i probably is someone hu nv fails. though nt true, bt tt's nt e main pt.it jus reminds mi of e stress i've always brought upon her, which all e long, i noe n tried v hard to minimize, bt probably din do enough.lookg at her screwed up prelim grades, i probably hv to question myself,mayb i've nt done wat i cld do.mayb i really havent been spendg enough time at home ? she used to tell mi everythg, includg her grades immediately when i gt home.bt this time, i gt to noe her results only frm my mum.haiz.i mus hv been so busy mugg tt i forgt to ask her.n she probably dun gt to c mi much since i'm rarely at hm.
Many HC-ians r used to b at e top. i believe everyone of us experienced failures in some areas before. bt in terms of results, guess some ppl nv understand wat 'screwed up' really means. of course, such ppl is definitely nt mi,i really experience before, n e fact tt i hv a sis hu often dont do well for exams, i'm esp sensitive careful in my remarks in my academic areas. bt lookg at some ppl ard mi, i think many really dun truly understand it.
i wish i cld do sthg more for her. i hate to c her fail her exams when i pass.i hate to c her being sad n stressed yet i cant do anythg for her.sometimes when ppl's aim is jus to pass n u r tokkg abt As, it probably really hurts.
equality ? i nv believed in such a word.
jus find it amazg hw e world works when some ppl cn b worryg abt nt gettg gd As when some ppl r worryg abt nt promotg.unfair..bt i really will do wat i cn do...hope it helps. e last person on earth i wan to hurt is my sis.
anw went out todae to play as e 1st official day of post promos. travelled all e way to sch to meet my exco.had fun playg pool, eatg at sakae n watchg 'stay connected'.i think e movie is nt bad, at least it caught my attention throughout e whole movie, except for a few instants.
i suspect this might b e only day i'l gt to play after promos till sch holi starts.lots of thgs hv been pilg up. bt anythg cn b better than mugg for promos, so i dun mind.

休息是为了走更长远的路.sthgs tt we din wan to face, eventually we still hv to.n it wasn't supposed to b a difficult thg.bt somehow, nt sure since when it became difficult.mayb we hav changed?

children's day

2008-10-01T03:42:00.000-07:00

While struggling w physics revision, poor kaka decided to blog to wish herself n everyone else Happy Children's Day!(many ppl forgt abt it:'( ) bt unfortunately, nt many r worthy of celebratg such an occasion, meant for only e cute n innocent ppl.

2008-09-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

Forgot to blog abt this yest.
but jus to say, thks for being there. it really helped.

on 29th Sept, someone's smile made my day...<3

2008-09-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

努力地想原地不动，甚至倒退一步，却不经意地往前了一步。

2008-09-11T02:56:00.000-07:00

Havent blogged for a v long time.Nt tt i hv nthg to blog, bt cos there r somethings i simply dun feel like sayg, n of course i've been v busy w work!
Time to start mugg for promos...endure...it's MY life..

days after back frm UK

2008-08-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

Almost a wk since i'm back in S'p, must say tt life sucks a little.
e amt of wk wont kill me if nt for my serious jetlag!
nv experienced jetlag before, thus din expect e disastrous consequence of it.
Havg slpless nites, n slpful days, caused me to slp through all my lectures n tutorials for e 3 sch days, flunkg all my tests, n lost e chance to catch up w sch wk. i'm rather sure it's jetlag, though many tell mi tt it's jus my usual routine, cos of my heavy head,w occasional giddiness n immense tiredness, far frm wat i normally experience in sch. it was a torture nt to slp. therefore, i concluded tt i screw up my 3 sch days! total up to missing lessons for 3 whole wks, nice yea?
my state of mind is still quite unacceptable nw, w my contextual knowledge stoppg at wat i covered til before i left. my brain is so damaged tt i cn gt a 0/18 for maths test, breakg my personal n class record. ( see junhui, who shd b e one who will gt scolded ?!!!) yea, depression doesn't lie in e 0 marks for my fav maths subj, bt e kind of frustration i'll bring upon my dearest maths teacher, who i suspect will b so pissed n ridiculed by me. i cant take my mock SPAs, cos i still dunno wat it's abt. i cant take econs test tmr, cos i haven even started studyg, bt i still hv to. i cant take my physics test, cos i'm still catchg up on thermo, i cant do my maths tutorial, cos i still revising DE! ahh, wat a screwed up life i have. missing life at Cambridge so much, cos those were e days i jus nd to attend 5hrs of tutorial n 1 hr of lecture per day, n cn spend e rest of my night happily in frt of e com. e 2wks in Cambridge was like a dream , a dream tt i nv want to wake up frm. actually nt true, cos i yearned to b back to sch, NOT to reality though.
Nw tt i've found my direction n set my goals, i'l want to work towards it, bt wat's more impt is to clear up my current mess.i noe i've caused some ppl to b worried abt me, bt don't worry , i'l b fine ,....after promos...
Bt coming bk to sch has it's incentive, cos i'm back to spendg my whole life w my exco agn, or even more than in e past. times when i shd b busy catchg up w my hwk, i chose to spend it lagg ard w my exco. i was treated to 12 doughnuts on e day of return, due to e misconception tt i'm a greeeedy pig who cant resist temptation :p , bt i only ate 5! haha.
Yest i spent my whole day w my exco agn! morng had some china economy talk, then i rushed off to watch RVCLDDS performance. u noe wat, my juniors really impressed me! for tt i applaud them for their hard work n passion! Truly heartwarmg to c tt they hv continued to preserve e passion tt we seniors passed to them. Havg a performance at UCC really isn't easy due to e high technical requirements n logistics, bt they put up 3 gd plays . e 1st one has always been my favourite, cos it reflected some hidden phenomenons which hav been overlooked by ppl , while e 2nd one, though din hv much underlying objective , brought a pinch of entertainmt to e audience. though e pace of e play wasn't well grasped, it was interestg to c my small little juniors act. Nice attempt! n of course e last show, which didn't started off v impressive ended w a bang! e last part of e show really captured my attention, because of e fantastic surprise. their props really showed maximum creativity n effort. i lik e big big octopus! n of course , when e curtains opened to reveal e big bkdrop, my jaws almost dropped, cos i noe it wld take much manpower n time to paint it. we did 1 3 yrs ago , when we had our perf at NAFA. this one looks nicer.
$18 is alot, bt at least for me, spendg tt amt to watch my juniors perf wld b worth it, n i think their quality of perf din disappoint anyone. though they all cld hv done better in many areas, still, WELL DONE juniors, i'm proud of u! of course special acknowledgemnt to our Su lao shi, it's always w him tt such miracles cn happen. :))))
haha, n so i spent e rest of my evening gg out w huangchengren.din mean to pangseh my batchmates,bt my fellow huangchengrens waited so long for meee.. thks to all who supported RVCL perf! hope u all really enjoyed it.

原来在美丽的童话背后，永远隐藏着阴暗的雨天。。。
Living in a world of unknowns, mayb we r unknowingly screwg up our life. i c myself nearing e explosion pit. it really hurts..

sorry...

jetlagg

2008-08-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

it's 3am nw! n y m i blogg nw ? cos i'm sufferg frm jetlag!!! ahhh..this sucks!!! i wan to slp. it's such a joke tt i cant slp..sigh..i think i'm gg to slp in class tmr,which was my slping time.
Time to wake up frm my dream, back to reality.

missing cambridge

2008-08-19T09:17:00.001-07:00

i'm back in Singapore, bt nt long after i'm bk, i realise , i'm missg Cambridge! oops! Guess e nxt few days wil be v bad for me when i gt drown in work, yet gt reminded of the wonderful days in Cambridge! .
bt anw i was a happy girl today ,cos i finally came bk! thks 08s6h for gg to airport to c all of us. n of course my dear exco for rushg down after lessons!
e time we spent tgt always pass so fast! we only stood ard to chat and took a meal n 2hrs passed! bt yep , really delighted to c my exco!!! wheeeeeeeeee... life always work well w my exco ard. thks those who came! :)))
Getting into habits aren't good!

Day10 & Last Day at Girton

2008-08-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

haha ,it's ab 1.30am at UK nw , super late le. bt i'm still awake ,here to blog abt my last day in Cambridge. Flyg bk tmr afternn le.
Well, today has been a rather nice day , no new lessons taught,jus presentatns by us and TEST! hahaa. though din manage to study for the test, at least gt abit of time durg break to go run through it. atlas i scraped a past ! haha, bt it really wasn't impt.
Anyway , since today is the last day , of course we tried to be more high n hav more fun! bt it was e last time we walked all e way frm Girton College to NewHall; it was the last time we were having lessons at Girton; it was the last time we walk all the way to petrol station for our lunch; it was the last time we meet James n Phil; it was the last time we saw the ducks at the pond of Girton. Bye Girton College!
While at NewHall, we still had dinner which was Casino night, which we latr realised we nd to dress formally ! bt e whole event was v cool, cos it was really like a casino, n we had 'money' to go ard gambling, n ppl were dancing ...totally a new n different culture which though doesn't suit me, really impressed me!
before i conclude abt this trip , mayb i cn talk briefly abt my day yesterday. was in London e whole of yest, free time , so we watched musicals n went sightseeing.
Chicago is a nice musical, n it was gd, jus tt either i was too tired/ i really dun appreciate it, i slept throughout e whole perf, for 25 pounds!!!
Bt e nicest thg was to stone at Tower bridge, where we saw the bridge being lifted up at some particular time, n took many nice photos. a pity e sky was still bright when we took photos of the bridge. missed e opportunity of capturg a nicer photo.

really v tired nw so off i'm gg to slp! my last night in Csmbridge, i'll enjoy it! n c mi bk in S'p soon!i really msis S'p! :)
ok this part of e post is completed in the morng! which is nw, cos i woke up early
yea, so i've successfully squeezed all my stuffs into my luggage , squashg many thgs n throwg away many thgs! Heee. gg off to cambridge town soon for my last walk here ,then i'll wave gdbye to NewHall.
i mus really say it was a very nice trip, totally worth e $ even if it's abit more ex,cos of e new experience i gt here. might nt gt to study overseas in my life anymore.bt this trip made mi realise actually studyg overseas is a possibly 1 of my choices , cos of e desire for a fresh n new life. bt of course cos this trip is only 2 wks, i cn gt used to it. in actual fact, studyg here for a few yrs wld b really tough , n i'll miss home alot . jus really like e place here alot , n think i'll start planng for my future! yep, i've 1 yr to think wat i shd do n hopefully i dun make a wrong choie then.
i'l definitely miss e days here when i gt bk, bt i think it's really time for mi to go bk. rather excited abt it.
thks to those who hv been w mi these 2 wks ,keatying , jamie ,HRH ,basket , jiahui , xinyi n of course Mrs Chua!
n nt forgettg my boss for givg mi e chance to come here. owe u a favour :))))
i promised i wont slp in lessons n waste $ here, i really din! .
cya bk in S'p soon!

i dedicate this photo to u! looks familiar rite , bt nt as nice ..hahaa

UK Cambridge Day 9

2008-08-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

Dunnno wat's wrong w mi today.
Dunno hu i'm worried over, dunno wat i've emo-ing over, or mayb i really wasn't emo-ing.
Started off w a nt so nice morng,dao-ed at least 7 calls n 5sms-es frm photog these few days. i've become a MIA member.hv nt gone photog for 2mths + ,cos i always spend my fri w huangcheng ren .oops. if nt for e fact tt i really like photography n wans to take photos, i wldn't b clinging on to e membership. mayb i'l gt kicked out when i gt bk. jus cant stand myself for being such an irresponsible member, if tt isn't wat i expect frm chi soc members. n then suddenly rmb, hmm
it's huangcheng admin exco meetg today! jus when i was 'happily'
'playing ard' in the National Science Museum. n y wasn't i at e meetg w my ticketg members,bt in London!
i miss Chi Soc general meetgs, chi soc exco meetgs ,huangcheng exco meetgs n e times i linger ard huisuo bench to c huangcheng ren.
realise tt as nearly 10days hav past, e feelg of emptiness does nt gt lesser n lesser bt stronger n stronger. i really wan to go bk, to prepare for MAF, n to c my exco...haiz..never expected tt i so cant gt used to life w/o huangcheng. i miss my exco work totally.

when i saw this stone in e museum, e 1st thought tt struck mi was: this is hw huangcheng ren binds tgt! it seems like we r all different pieces of stones, n dunno since when we gt tgt , n nw being apart frm this solid is so difficult.
my absence really make mi feel bad when my ticketg member ask mi where e meetg was n i cldn't reply her cos i'm nt even gg. feel like an irresponsible leader. sigh, y havent i start wk for MAF.let's hope thgs dun go wrong when i gt bk.
i really wan to c Li Shian, Jon Lee, Momo, Norine, Gu Zheng n Jelly.
as i typed this post, i'm listeng to e huangcheng video song 梦在手里，for the 12th time today.i listened to it at least twice everyday.bt yep, jus bring mi bk memories abt huangcheng loh.hmmm...mayb i'm really crazy.

sometimes ,u jus hv to believe tt friendships r affected by distance.n e strength of e friendship is dependent on communication, which requires effort , heart n most imptly time.i noe u r busy, dun nd say sorry to me.
in e midst of doing wat u r doing nw, hope u havent lost urself. Dun look bk to doubt ur decision, dun stop to ponder abt ur current state, look in frt n chiong, before u noe, ur term of service wld b over, n wat's left wil b e memories of u spendg all ur effort to lead tt grp of ppl well. Hv faith in urself n believe wat u r doing nw is rite. bt pls take great care n dun take up anymore responsibilities tt will pile up ur wk. u only hv 24hrs a day n u nd to slp.n dun emo. sometimes i wish u cld tell me more, dun make me feel like a useless flen, theoretically i'm nt v far frm u, bt spiritually u seem more n more unreachable...

UK cambridge Day 8

2008-08-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

For once basket really damn cute holdg on to my Ernie.

haaha, nthg much new happened today agn , except tt we went cambridge town n was late for afternn lessons .ran quite a distance n was pantg like siao when we reached. v malu. bt yep, still a rather nice day. cherishg e few days left here.

可能我真的不在乎了。。。

random reply

2008-08-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

i'm gg bk on e 19th in case u dunno, i mean u obviously din noe.nice try...

nthg to blog these 2 days, besides tt today's Topology lesson totally kill me. bt it's ok ,i enjoy stoning.sianzzzz

so cute rite!..

rmb e 1st day we took up the post, we pledged to serve our family wholeheartedly.
n we r really doing it n wil continue to do it. bt thgs jus doesn't seem to b e same anymore ...
wat hv happened to us ...?...jiayoux k! dun doubt urself. u r doing well, jus 9 more mths.the journey wont end there though..hang on :)))jus wan to tell u u've been really great...

UK cambridge day 6 and 7

2008-08-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

haha. din hv time to blog yest cos went to London since morng , and only reached home at abt 1am, was damn tiring.
Anw London was fun! i think it's damn pro of us ( Basket, Keatying, Jamie, HRH n me) to go ard London on our own w only a map! London is quite small, i realised.
Buckingham Palace was our 1st destination! Bt cos e queue was too long, we din manage to gt in. Entrance fee isn't cheap either.bt we took photos outside. It's some high class place tt e queen lives.

Then we headed to Trafalagar Square and the National Art Museum. They were actually telecastg Olympics there! Trafalagar Sq nthg much. Art museum was ok. At least e paintgs there were good, cos it reall displayed the artists skill in oil paint. However, it really doesn't interest mi anymore after visitg 1 hall, cos e paintgs r all so similar , usg e same style n same technique, though painted by different artists.so it became boring. bt still , gd exposure, at least i noe those paintgs r of great standard.
n then , we went to eat Tandori Chicken! it was abit ex, nt wasn't exactly tt nice as mrs Tan said, bt still nice try. n guess wat's e 1st thg i bought there? Oil paint! hahax. i went to shop at an art shop, n bought abt $100 of oil paint frm there.e price is only slightly cheaper than in S'p,or actually i cant even rmb e price in S'p. e paints were damn heavy n i almost died carryg tt ard for e nxt 8hrs of e day.
Then we headed for Oxford Street to shop, which was actually nthg much. Bought some tshirts n souvenirs in e tourist shop though.OXford street quite alot of shops, bt nthg suit us. Haha, i bought a magnetic earring to play leh, i mean to wear 1 day when i decided to b funny.
n then we went to London Eye! under e rain though, bt still managed to take some photos. e photos were nt v nice cos of e knd of weather. bt cos we stayed for dinner, so after dinner, e sky was damn nice le. luckily we din go there too early. gg such places in broad daylight is abit silly loh, photos will b damn no feel de.

n after dinner, we head for our train station to meet everyone. it was 9.30pm then n e bus bk was 2hr+ , n walked bk to hostel was damn long! n it was super cold, i was shiverg like siao. gg London agn on Sat i think , i better wear sthg thick.

todae, our 7th day in Cambridge, i studied some weird theories n game theory. it was difficult as usual, bt at least, i still din slp! haha, i think it's quite interestg, though i din understand sthg.din take photos todae, cos it was jus a normal day.had lots of fun still though.i think it's gd tt i always walk to Girton College frm Newhall, cos i hv a chance to exercise. bt walkg there is damn far ! i walk until my legs damn sore,bt v nice to enjoy e breeze.

aww..it's already half way through my trip, will b gg bk soon. when wk piles up, u jus hate it. bt life here is so nt bad..though maths lesson is still as stressful! bt i realise i really like maths loh.hehe
anw special thks to basket for helpg mi carry my thgs! i noe it's super super heavy ,n his hands were pain. sorry k! basket saved my day ..hee thks! :))))

missing some ppl agn ...ahh..thgs r jus nt within our control...tsk..tell mi it's nt true..

UK Cambridge Day5

2008-08-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

Today is my 5th day in Cambridge! haha.
had quatum mechanics course n some coding theory course.
quatum nt so interestg ,bt ok lah, coding theory quite manageable, n quite interestg.
bt havg long lessons is damn bored.
celebreated national day tgt w e other s'p schs except RJC. hmm, quite fun, nt w e rest, bt among ourselves. cos i think HC-ians were too shy there le.nevertheless, nice way to celebrate national day, really will make u miss s'p de.
hehee...tmr gg london to shop/eat/play whole day, sure will b damn tired after i come bk , doubt hv time to blog.gettg more n more used to e live here!
i miss her
n i miss Her too ...!

i miss him

but i miss Him more ...

UK cambridge day4

2008-08-08T15:42:00.000-07:00

today is day4 liao, seems damn fast.
actually dun feel like leavg this place, bt i do wan to go bk to sch.
life w/o exco seems super super hard to endure.e 7 of us seems to b so far.
bt i noe they all miss mi! hee
todae studied physics special relativity, i really cld roughly understand k.
n had maths programmg course, which i jus took e wksht n typed in e prog.
din really manage to do actually.
today's weather quite cold, i wore e wrong shirt, shd hv wore thicker one.
basket , jamie n keatying were damn funny, runng frm girton to e convenient store, cos they were damn cold.
i think basket is gettg violent day by day. bt still v fun to hv him ard, cos he is always my source of entertainmt.
din take many photos todae, cos dun hv nice n new places, n dun hv mrs chua to camwhore w mi. ...haha ,she really damn cute.

o
i'm havg much much r

UK cambridge day3

2008-08-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

how nice was today? so so bah..
studied some quadratic residue thg tt i completely loss.
mayb i cld hv understood de , if i really tried to pay attention.
i feel super dumb , hw cn i nt understand maths. i won't mind
nt understandg anythg, except maths! ahhh...mus buck up tmr!
sigh... :((((
i used to b v determined abt maths, cn spend 1 day on 1 question
n die die mus solve, bt seems like nw , i jus giv up. lousy.
anw really fortunate tt i chose maths course here, i think it's
gd knowledge lah, though i wld lov to noe hw i cn apply it.
anw lookg ard in UK always remind mi of my dream. e buildgs n houses here
, though nt exceptionally nice, are jus v different n special n they all
look v cosy.e place here is nice, bt i still miss e ppl in S'p.
sigh, wan study maths nxt time, maths nt gd enough, cant even take H3 maths, sthg
i really wan. wan to b architect in future, c myself driftg further n further away frm my dream. sigh... mayb i shd dao sci for e rest of my life, besides tt architecture does requite physics.
wellll...e environmt here really nice lah, todae has close encounter with ducks!
n todae had some sci practical lesson where we calculated wavelengths n uncertainties!
had lots of fun durg lunch time, niao-ing basket n seeing him turn violent agn.laughed like siao, bt latr my enerzy level went down le...
i still tryg hard to learn as much thgs i cn frm here, i really will.
i din camwhore todae, din take a photo w dear mrs chua :((

jiayoux for ur wk! happy national day!

UK day2

2008-08-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Yea ,2nd day in UK, it's abt 12 midnite here nw.
bt y m i still aslp , cos i'm overly high nw! jus crashed mrs chua rm n met some ppl online! heheeeeee.
well, todae was more fruitful, at least i learnt some basics to number theory.
though barely cld catch, still quite attentive.
supposed to mug abit of maths tonite so tt i wont b so malu during lessons tmr, bt nvm, suan le..
todae's fun part was river punting!
sittg in e boast damn fun leh! hahaahaha
bt i screamed abit, cos v scared fall into e water n wet my hp n camera.
luckily i din. nice scenery here. shall post some photos.

i still hvg quite gd food here, bt todae's rice for dinner abit bad.
haah mrs chua really damn cute leh, if onli she's my mother, i'll laugh everyday.
she sneeze super cute.

ohmy , mrs chua really super young! i think her husband damn fortunate, bt she shd b quite fortunate too ,so envious!
anw todae i v dumb, i wore 2 layers de shirt, then it was damn warm! i wearg thinner clothers tmr, hope it doesn't rain n gt mi a cold.
hope my day tmr will b better.
i sill miss life w/o exco alot..tsk tsk.so sad..

u seem busy, jiayoux...:)

UK Day1

2008-08-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

UK Day1 :
i'm finally in UK after a long 14hrs flight.bt 14hrs pass quite fast de.
Nthg much happened today, besides tt Mrs CHUA really v cute leh! hahax.
anw jus wan to say i really miss my exco alot.
:'(

2008-08-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

suppose to b diligently doing my work nw,bt i decided to slack! cos i really wan to update my blog.
Well, i hv been a really gd gurl this wk, managed my time well, though still din hv enough slp as usual, i was attentive in classes n lectures. mayb realisg tt i'l miss 2 wks of sch does push mi hard.
today is emo-ing day, i emo-ed agn.
u made mi think. think abt e present, think abt my future.
my present is huangcheng , my future is empty. tt's all i noe.
mayb i shdn't hv chosen SMTP since i nv wan to touch sci in future. mayb i shd hv pursued my interest in art, n taken AEP.
these days suddenly thot abt gg overseas U, bt hw near is tt dream..unreachable.
no $ no talk, no talent no talk. e only thg tt i hv tt probably cn pull mi apart fmr e rest is art! yet i chose to engage in so many sci acivities nw. i'm gettg step by step further frm my ideal future.
wat do i hv tt cn gt mi to an overseas U ? bt root prob is, din i always wish to stay in S'p?
realise alot of thgs i've been doing nw, does nt contribute to my future. as i sink deeper in sci, i'm driftg away frm art..my future, my dream , my architect dream...
y m i takg SRP nw ? y m i holdg on to an Astar award when i nv wan to do sci research for e rest of my life.
wat remains true is tt, everythg in chi soc is pure n innocent. no politics,we dun even think of portfolio.everythg here is based on nthg bt love. tt's e only true thg left in college.
it feels gd to b w ur family. bt mayb seeing each other everyday gt all of us into 1 life. nw , gettg out of it seems hard. it hurts to quarrel w ppl u care alot. it pisses mi off to nt b able to gt ur understandg. it 'guilts' mi to say no to u.
thgs tt r within my ability, my control, trust tt i'll really do it. i cn dao my tutorials n test for exco, even if it's jus to eat dinner tgt. i cn go home late n gt scolded by my mum , as long as i spent e time w my exco. i cn go out of house immediately to meet u at ur call. i'm willing to go e extra mile for any of my exco members. bt this time, cldn't u jus believe tt it is beyond my limits n beyond my scope of control. argueing w u n pissing u off is e last thg i wan to do. bt i dun own my life, i dun hv as much freedom as u, we were brought up in e diff type of environmt. Dun doubt my sincerity towards any of my exco members.i dun think i care less for her than u.
bt today i'm really sorry, i hv my principles, i hv my limits. dun spend e effort trying to change thgs tt cn nv change. u won't wan to c ur flen being worse off.

realise tt even w love, we can't fight our way through. thgs r gettg tougher. hope tt a break is gd for all of us. we'll come bk w our thoughts straightened out , 1 exco!

BYE lishian! i'l miss u!
n Happy Birthday Momo!

fly

2008-07-25T09:57:00.001-07:00

hope i'm really nt wrong..sometimes i really dunno wat's e right thg to do.

y did i suddenly wan to fly?
1) cos i wan e experience
2) cos i wan take a break frm sch
3) cos i jus feel like leaving this place.
4) cos i wan to pile up my work n numb myself when i'm back

life in HC is great, wat exactly is lacking...
i think time has gradually reveal e answer.
This time i'll accept it if i cn convince myself.

sorry ...

RV's speech day

2008-07-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

A most wonderful picture.my besties in HC ,n my most most beloved MC!!! <33333
Today ( 12th July ) is RV's Speech Day 08.
Really miss the sch. Even Ms Ek's sch report sounded so interesting. At least ,it gave the graduated batch an opportunity to know how the school has been doing.
The 2nd half of the event was better, as there were performances put up by the performing arts grp. Dance guys' standard is still there, n i'm quite impressed with band too. Xue qiang is still so cute n smart as e conductor :)))
And then of course , the most important part was the prize giving ceremony.42 graduated prize recipients today, each taking prizes for RV medal of Excellence or academic achievement ( 7A1s and above - not including Chinese !) or billingual award.
Yea , n i'm v happy to be takg prize for RV medal of Excellence (scholar leaders) ,9A1s Gold Award and Billingual Award! hahax :)))))))
n my prizes were none other than as usual gold coins...
jus rv's tradition to always giv gold coins.actually wld much prefer sthg tt i cn spend, bt mayb it's really more memorable to hav sthg lik tt tt i cn keep for life, assuming i'll nv be on e verge of dying due to hunger and needs to sell my gold.the monetary value jus doesn't matter, as long as it's frm RV. :))))
v nice to c so many teachers approaching to congratulate us, and they nv fail to ask how's our JC life .'Quite good! " i said." i'm really very happy in Huangcheng! " i told Hong ma n Luo lao shi.They all seem to think i've grown taller, bt it's jus nt true! ahhhh...
nice also to c flens of diff JCs ard, bt abit sad tt many ppl whom i really wanted to b there w me cant b there.4A only had abt 11 ppl, though it's more than 1/3, n makes up a bulk of e prize recipients ( commented by other classes as a CLASS GATHERING),by taking a closer look, we'll realise there are more who deserve to b there too.Mayb they jus lack that 1 inch of luc, bt it's ok, cos we all did well!
nice memories in RV... dianfeng commented " JC cn nv b as gd as RV" i totally agree...
n RVCL 's 学艺新声2008 is here agn! 23 August ( Sat) 2pm - $18 , 7.30pm - $25 at NUS UCC! show ur support by buying a ticket now! can always tell me if u r interested. i understand tt it's v ex...bt hmm, they r my juniors! n this is my CCA! :)))jiayoux juniors, show me tt u all cn do it!

2008-07-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

think i've been telling e whole world tt my life suxs...
i also dunno hw n y izzit bad...
nt like i nt happy in class, nt lik i dun like my cca, nt lik i hv horrible grades for BLKS, nt lik i hv alot of hwk.. so wat izzit tt's screwg up my life...
i know i'm nt behaving well and normally this wk, give mi some time let me clear thgs up, i promise to be back nxt wk! DOn't worry abt me!
n todae went to support Kheng's guitar concert at nJ! nice to finally see her perform.
n Happy Belated Birthdday to YILE aka Ai Dong Gua.
really guilty for only realising it a few days ago, but trust that i have the sincerity to wish you. Was really too busy.you are allowed to say this is an excuse though. i'll have better memory next year ok!